Showing posts from November, 2011

Be Encouraged

A broken down car. An unfulfilled dream. A shattered relationship. A lost loved one. An unexpected illness. A disappointment. A failure. A broken heart. It seems the devastation is all around. And whatever form it comes in, you may find yourself at a place where you simply don't know what to do. Your situation seems hopeless. Your circumstance seems impossible. And what's worse, you just don't have the strength to go on.

Someone said to me, "I just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay." I hear ya, friend, I hear ya. Because in the middle of the storm you're weathering, you simply can't do anything but drown in your circumstance. Feeling every piece of your broken situation, the burden seems overwhelming.

My words alone offer no hope. My feeble insight is not life-changing. My story is not yours. Though my pain is real to me, I may not be able to relate to what you're experiencing. Still, I am here to testify.

"It is the Lord who goes…

Real & Raw...A Prayer to Share

(DISCLAIMER: This is real. It's raw. It's from deep within my soul. And ordinarily something that leaves me so vulnerable wouldn't be something I share. But there are too many people who've crossed my path recently who are hurting, and well, this is for you, too. You may be like me - sometimes to a point where you're so broken, so hurt, so blocked, you don't even know what to pray - or how to pray. So this is for you, too.)
I’m trying to fight this feeling I cannot seem to overcome. It’s as if the enemy himself has a grip so tight I cannot escape, let alone breathe. I am held in the vice of my emotions – desire, emptiness, loneliness, brokenness, jealousy, guilt, disappointment, oppression, defiance, insecurity… I simply cannot get free. I want so badly to let go. I want to give up. I want to experience freedom. I want to know peace. On every angle, I can’t seem to make sense of reality. Once again I feel used and rejected. I’ve being taunted by the enemy and h…

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving Eve and I am enjoying a lazy morning with a delicious cup of dark roast mixed with peppermint mocha creamer. The rain woke me up last night, among other things. Things bearing heavy on my mind.

I have much to be thankful for: home, family, job security, health, provisions for daily needs... So many recent events and situations have helped reshape my perspective as to what's really important and what to place value on. Certainly I've learned that everything on this earth is temporary. It's all just "stuff" and quite frankly, we could all learn to live with a lot less "stuff."

Even so, as preparations are being made for turkey dinners, I am plagued with the knowledge of individuals who will spend tomorrow alone. It seems to me that on a day meant to "give thanks" being in solitude must strip away any feelings of gratitude.

The bible talks of giving thanks...

Givethanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.…

Let Go (Part 2)

You may have read the last post and wondered what was going on. I can now make it known that on Friday I accepted a new position at Liberty. What will I be doing?'s a brand new position with Graduate & Online Student Affairs, working as the assistant to the Director, handling student conduct and care issues for graduate and online students, developing a small office into the growing needs of a huge population of students, teaching online classes...and who knows what else!

I'm exchanging my Director's title for an Assistant one. I'm turning in my 12x15 private office for a 10x10 cubicle. I'm relinquishing my staff and personnel to become the supporting staff. I'm choosing business casual and leaving the business suits hanging. I'm pulling out of the "limelight" of class presentations and speaking for special events and handling most communications via the internet.

I admit. It's a really weird feeling. I woke up the day after near…

Let Go

"It's one thing to go through a crisis grandly, yet quite another to go through every day glorifying God when there is no witness, no limelight, and no one paying even the remotest attention to us." - Oswald Chambers

I've gone through the fire. Literally. I've gone through trials. Defamation. Allegation. Accusation. Testing. Trouble. Obstacles. What I'm facing now isn't a crisis, necessarily. But it's testing to see what I'm made of when no one else knows, when no one is paying attention, when quietly, privately I am walking through this. "This" will make so much more sense in a few days when I can openly share. For now, it has resonated so deeply within me that it seems as though a gong is going off with a ripple effect of vibrations that I'm still not sure I fully understand.

This has been one of life's most monumental weeks for me. Six months after the fire, the house was complete and move in day was just 5 days ago. "Ho…

This Is Me

No really. It's time we have a heart to heart. 

You've seen me on stage. You've heard me belt ballads. You've seen me raise my hands in praise. You've watched me give speeches and presentations. You've seen me poised and posed in front of most crowds. Depending on how long you've known me, you may have been one of the "lucky" ones who watched me turn and smile and walk across stage in my heels and evening gown. (For those who didn't see my pageant days, you may now be having an "ah-ha" moment as things are starting to make sense about me.)

For the most part, I'm an open book. I've put my life out there because so many feel they know me that I felt they really needed to know me. But as one recently said of my blogs "You share your business without telling all your business." Thanks. I like to think it's a skill I've perfected. I'm good at hiding things. I'm good at painting on the smile (after all, …

Fight or Flight

(This blog is dedicated to those who love to read all of my business without me telling all of my business. You know who you are and you know I love you dearly!)

Fight or flight. It's the natural human response to a lot of things. Fear. Rejection. Pain. Obstacles. Challenges. Trouble. Disaster.

The "fighters" determine not to let the opposition get the best of them. It becomes a part of the challenge to prove yourself not just a fighter, but a winner.

Those in flight aren't making a statement of being a coward. It is just the opposite reaction to flee from the trouble, avoid it at all costs, don't get involved more than you may already be.

I can honestly say I don't have a default. I've had my fair share of reactions to both fight and flight. But in the loneliness of my pain, sin, despair, hurt and confusion, whether I choose to put on the boxing gloves and take on my opponent, or if I do whatever I can to avoid the conflict and confrontation, I am left …


Paralyzed - To bring to a point of helpless stoppage, inactivity, or the ability to act.

What has stopped you in your tracks? What prevents you from being able to move? What is hindering your ability to act?
"Refusing to act leaves a person paralyzed, exactly where he was previously. But once he acts, he is never the same." - Oswald Chambers

"Come to me..." He says in Matthew 11:28. It means "to act." It requires my action. Just like James 4:8 tells us, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." I must come. I must seek. I must move. In my state of helplessness, there is hope.

"The weakest saint who transacts business with Jesus Christ is liberated the second he acts and God's almighty power is available on his behalf." - O. Chambers

His power - not ours - is made PERFECT in our weakness. His power is available to you - the same power that raised Christ from the grave. With this I can respond, well equipped with my own inabi…

Miss Independent

It's true. If you know me, you know me. I can be stubborn. Hard-headed. I am determined. And yes, by nature, independent. Right now, though, Almighty God is stripping away the hard exterior layers of independence and revealing the vulnerable interior of insecurity. At my core I struggle. 

You may admire someone's apparent strength. You may even have a tendency toward jealousy over someone else's life, qualities, possessions or characteristics. You may also be so turned off by someone's demeanor or harsh exterior that you simply can't bear it. But I caution - don't be so quick to judge or be fooled. You've heard the expression what you see is what you get. But maybe in this case what you see and what you get isn't always what's inside.

God is teaching me about my own insecurities and my hard-headed determination to do it myself. (Ahem, yes, independence.)

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me…


The Tenth Avenue North song goes..

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?

I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

It might as well be my testimony. I can't really say it any better. It's been a few weeks since I've written because what I'm feeling and experiencing is simply too raw and too deep to share. I've been that girl. The one feeling as though the pit I've fallen into was simply too deep for rescuing. Paralyzed by fear. Compelled to pray but at a loss for words. Recounting choices, replaying decisions. Wondering what's next. Seeking direction. Desiring God's will. Praying for peace. Wanting wisdom. 

The song continues:

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,…