Showing posts from August, 2015

Where was God?

You don't have to live in Southwest Virginia to have heard the tragic news. To some across the country, this is another senseless shooting. I may have been too quick to dismiss other like stories that have made national headlines, but this one hits close to home. Literally.

You've heard me say it so many times before. But now I need to make a declaration that doesn't apply to something personally happening to me. It's something affecting so many. I need to share how even now, even in the midst of this reckless and ignorant violence, God is still good. 
I had to make myself stop reading some of the comments posted by viewers and naysayers. So many feelings and thoughts, so many questions. What saddened me were the ones misunderstanding a belief in God. The ones who think God planned this. Those who accused God of this being His will. Those mistakenly not understanding God's role in the midst of such a Tragedy.
Let me explain. God didn't plan this. He didn't …


Transparent. At least that's what has been said of me today. I'm honored by this tribute but I feel as if I owe you all a complete and transparent explanation.

There I was Saturday night, 27 weeks and 6 days pregnant, staring down the third and final trimester as if it was about to knock me square between the eyes. A wave of emotions flooded me, but mostly the fear took over. "I can't do it," I sobbed to my husband. "This baby has to come out and I don't think I'm strong enough."

Never mind the fact that I had been absorbed in labor and delivery documentaries, reading and researching, spending my "unwind" time before bed engrossed in other people's sagas of their own birthing process. I saw it all. The good, the bad, the "oh my word" and the very ugly. "No more documentaries," my kind and patient husband encouraged. "You're going to be fine and I'm going to be right by your side." I feel confid…

School Starts Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day. His lunch is packed, breakfasts for the week are ready to go, the new dinosaur backpack is all set, along with his Minion shirt for the all-important (mom didn't get to pick this one) first day of school outfit choice. I'm reminiscent of this night 2 years ago when it was the night before Kindergarten. Now he's headed off to second grade and I truthfully can't understand how time has flown so quickly.

I know so many of you tucking in your kiddos tonight, making the same preparations for a jump start on the first day of school, and battling a bundle of nerves as you send off your little ones tomorrow. I have something to share with you because I have been (and admittedly still am) that mom. 

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:27

I know how often I've reminded my own self of its truth - how if the very hairs on my own head are numbered, He certainly i…

Baby Bump

I admit - there are times when I walk past a mirror and catch a glimpse of my growing and now prominent baby bump and have to do a double take. It truly catches me off guard. There are moments when I have to just laugh as the reality of the growing baby inside me reminds me of how we even got here. At 36 years young (no, I am not ashamed to admit it) I am one of the "older" soon-to-be mamas of a newborn (at least for our area). Most of the mom friends my age have pre-teens and middle schoolers. We live in an area where it all happens in your 20's...but when have I ever conformed to the "standard"?!
It's funny how my feelings toward baby bumps have come full circle in the last decade. It was in my own mid 20's when the maternal instinct started to kick in and sparked the desire to be a mother. I would see an expectant mom, many of them friends of mine starting their families, and smile sincerely with full expectation of that soon being me. 
Months turned i…

Dying Dreams

I know what it's like to have to let go of my plans, to watch hope fade. To experience the grief of the death of a dream.

I know what it's like to experience abandonment and loneliness. The death of the dream of what marriage should be came before the death do us part.

I had to grieve the idea of becoming a mother - at least the way God intended it. Just not how He had intended for me - at least not for that season of life. For 3 years I longed, ached, yearned to be a mother. Disappointment after disappointment coupled with lonely heartache was like experiencing the death of my dreams on repeat.

The journey to Elijah's adoption was a miracle in the making and yet also another process of dreams dying and faith being tested. There were multiple babies and scenarios all presented as possibilities and each one, while it wasn't God's plan, was another process of roller coaster emotions hoping, praying, being told "no" and waiting for God's greater yes.