Yesterday I was studying the fullness of God. He is full of compassion. Full of mercy. Full of love. It could better be described as overflowing or an abundance.
The only reason I am able to give any amount of goodness is because of what he gives to me first. It is his very nature. And yet innately within me my flesh wars against it.
So I asked God, what does this mean for my life? How could I show his fullness to others? I asked for him to give me an opportunity to express compassion and mercy.
Within the first hour I believe I had already failed the challenge. Be careful what you ask for, right?
I had encountered a rather challenging person in a situation that I simply didn't want to deal with. It wasn't my problem and I didn't feel that I needed to be the one to solve it. And then it hit me. Is this not what I had prayed for? Was I not being faced with an opportunity to express compassion and grace and mercy and to show God's love in a situation where I ordinarily would not have been given this opportunity at all? I had failed.
I was determined not to let discouragement ruin my day considering it was still early in the morning. But I do admit that it was rather disappointing.
It was later in the afternoon I was making a delivery run for my job. A few days ago a request came in for some teachers needing encouragement. I was no integral part of the plan, I was just delivering a cookie tray. It led to an encounter with a sister in Christ, someone I had never met before, who encouraged my soul. In that moment I realized that God was redeeming my earlier Failure. Only he was not granting to me an opportunity to share of his fullness, rather he was granting me an opportunity to receive it.
Lord, why are you so gracious to me? Time and time I fail, still his mercy remains. And that is when I realized the lesson of his fullness that I have been begging to learn.
See when you just gorge on yourself you get so full that you're absolutely miserable. You go beyond the point of enjoyment to making yourself physically uncomfortable because you just simply couldn't stop. When you feast on the fullness of God, you will never ever outdo him. You will never go beyond his reach. You will never mess up beyond what he can Redeem. Whatever you lack, don't worry, he has an abundance.
I prayed to give out of his abundance but what I had lacked in doing was receiving it from him first. Out of my own abundance I will just be miserable and uncomfortable. But out of his, then and only then, will I ever able to know any kind of a blessing.