This was my husband's drawing for me today. If only he knew. I am so far from super and I can prove it.
There I was. A simple trip to Walmart. Only I have a baby now so there is nothing simple about even the smallest errand. She had been screaming since being put in the car seat, not typical, but in true form the movement of the car put her to sleep. I wasn't about to wake my sleeping baby by removing her from the car seat carrier. If I were a true baby wearer this little obstacle wouldn't have phased me, but nevertheless I fall into the baby carrier category. Have you ever carried a growing baby in one of those? If you've seen the thighs on this girl you could easily know this isn't a light load. Don't worry. I tell her all the time how much I love her rolls. However this chunky monkey is quite a load to carry, car seat and all. It's cold enough for a baby to need to be covered. So there's a car seat canopy, you know, the cool cover, plus a blanket. I'm heaving her out of the van and hiking the handle over my arm, attempting to pull the cover over her as a shield and making sure the blanket has her warm. In my effort to juggle everything, I lost my balance and somehow tripped on my own feet banging my shin on the door. Yeah, that's gonna leave a mark.
I parked near the cart return as I always do. My plan was to grab a cart and put her car seat down inside. My timing was seconds off because the dutiful worker was on his way through the parking lot with a string of carts to return. "Sir! Excuse me, can I have one of those?" I tried calling after him but he was unaware of me and my plight. I had parked much too far away to carry her and the car seat all the way in. My arms would surely fall off and I would probably huff and puff in the process. I didn't want anyone to have to call an ambulance. All of a sudden it dawned on me. "The stroller!" Her handy dandy stroller was in the back. I had to sit the carrier on the ground so I could pull out the stroller and set it up. Thank goodness I've mastered that contraption. I went to retrieve my baby and turned around only to realize I had forgotten to put on the brake. My stroller was rolling! Now I had my sleeping baby and her carrier thrown over my arm as I took off to chase my rolling stroller. Thankfully it only made it two cars down before landing on someone else's bumper. I checked to make sure there wasn't a mark and we had done no damage.
I took a quick scan around the parking lot to see if anyone had captured what must have been a comical sight. I wasn't laughing. I was sweating. I'm certain it was a balmy 44 degrees outside. I put my baby inside the stroller and took off for the door. I high-tailed it through the store and retrieved the boxes of Valentine candy I needed. It would take 6 boxes to fulfill what I required. But I didn't have a cart and I was pushing the stroller. What was a mom in my position to do?! I put the boxes in the basket under the stroller. I declared to my sleeping baby loud enough for any worker to hear "We'll just put these here so we can PAY UP FRONT." I didn't want them to think I was stealing!
I had to make my way all the way across the store for the other item. Why does it always work out that way?! By the time I went to pay, my little one awoke and realized she wasn't being held. This created a slight screaming fit while mama tried to hush and sooth her all why managing the self check out. Of course I had two boxes that wouldn't scan. Now my baby girl was working on her wail as I attempted to rock the stroller with my foot while typing in the pesky item number. Was it hot in there? I thought it was. I was definitely sweating again.
Done. Now get out of there! Fast! I started booking it to my car. "Shhhh it's ok!" I tried calming her. She was fighting sleep. Eyes were closing...finally. She was calm. I parked the stroller, remembering the brake this time. I carefully picked up my baby and attempted to place her in the car as gently as I could while struggling with the awkward heavy carrier. The car beside me must have parked too close, or I was somehow crooked, but without warning...BAM! I hit the mirror of the car door. "Are you kidding me?!" Not my finest moment but then again I had several of these in a row to really compete for the medal. I was mortified. And I had woken the baby. I put her in the car and went to collapse the stroller, only it wouldn't. "What is going on? I know I know how to work this..." I had forgotten about my bags underneath. Ugh. How could one trip to Walmart cause so much stress? Had I remembered deodorant that morning? Why was it so hot??? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The entire episode took less than 10 minutes but it felt like an eternity.
For anyone who thought I had it all together...well, hopefully I've put your mind at ease. I am a woman. A very real fallible woman. I am a wife. I am a mom. And I struggle. I have good days and I have bad ones and surely by now you know that I can be a complete laughing stock. Still not convinced? Even after this entire trip I sat down in my car only to realize ... my pants zipper had been down the entire time. I feel like this was only a minor detail considering all the other reasons I had given for people to laugh, or maybe even pity me?! And there you have it folks. In case you were tempted to think I sit on a pedestal, I present you with this glimpse into my not-so-glamorous world. Laugh if you must. The truth is I hope you do. There is no crown. No cape. There's no "S" embroidered on my chest. This isn't an act. This is real life and I'm living it one crazy chaotic moment at a time. One fateful trip to Walmart at a time.