There are moments when our faith is tested. These are the moments when we're standing face-to-face with choosing to surrender and trust God or running in fear and doubt.
I'm standing there right now. I'm looking up toward the heavens and having moments of uncertainty, "Why God? I don't understand. What are You doing? Why do You want me to go through this?" I can't say I've gotten any answer.
If I truly believe that verse then I will find assurance in His perfect way. Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when I can't make sense of it. Even when I'm unsure of the way myself.
My response must be to take refuge in Him, whatever the outcome. Should He choose to move miraculously then I must bow before Him in awe and reverance, knowing full well that ONLY HE could have done this.
And even if He doesn't answer the way I'm asking I cannot step back and doubt Him. That only causes me to have to trust Him even more for a plan that I cannot see. It can be the most difficult test of faith.
I'm teetering in between that space of knowing God can do this and also trying to prepare myself for a possible different outcome. Where is my faith? Does this mean I doubt Him if I don't stand firmly on the answer I want? It's in these moments of uncertainty that I wonder how He must feel about me. Does He not give me the answer I seek because my faith is so weak? I don't think so. I just think He sees the perfect way that I cannot see.
Remember just the other day I read of You being in my circumstances, redeeming even my suffering and helping bring meaning to the struggle. So I find myself wondering, "God, is this one of those times when You want to draw me close because of the pain I feel or is this the time when You show yourself mighty because of the miracle you can do?" I cannot know the answer yet.
The waiting can be the hardest part. It's in these moments of waiting when I come to Him, over and over, with the same prayer, the desire of my heart, the answer I seek, the way I'm asking Him to move. I know full well I may have to be prepared for Him to answer another way but I cannot stop myself from seeking Him and begging Him to work the way I pray.
We who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Hebrews 6:18-19