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Showing posts from January, 2018

Panic Stricken 

I had a panic attack today. There I was, facing people, talking, interacting, and suddenly I became overwhelmed, filled with anxiety. My heart was racing. I tried to get a grip on what was happening and the more I sought to regroup, the less I had control over the situation and myself. It was terrifying. Sickening. Debilitating. I need to back up. If you know me, you know that panic and anxiety aren't something that ordinarily plague me. There have been circumstances in the past that brought about panic and anxiety, things that have since become very distant memories, but all based on the extreme life experiences I was facing at the time. So to be panic-stricken to the point of barely being able to function today was something I wasn't prepared for and hadn't experienced in quite a long time. What I've come to understand about most emotions - fear, anger, anxiety, and any number of things we may feel - is they are typically secondary emotions for what lies beneath the …

Snow Day

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Snow day...again. The kids have only gone to school for 3 full days in the past 2 weeks. They haven't had a solid full week of school in 5 weeks. It's been a long month of no schedules and loose routines, which means kids everywhere are running on overdrive while parents are running on fumes. Parents everywhere are waking up today and digging deep to find the courage and patience to survive another day while keeping kids entertained and maintain sanity. I am one of those parents. Working to find the balance between creative fun and screen time, bouncing between refereeing bickering kids and snapping photos of their sweet moments. The feelings of gratitude over having extra leisure time will be overshadowed by the feelings of guilt for wanting them back in a routine. We'll torment ourselves with all the "should, could, and would" as we scroll through everyone else's posts of what appears like them making the most of everyday. We'll battle feelings of insec…

It Takes a Village

They say it takes a village. You have been more than supportive and encouraging to yesterday's post in letting me know I'm not alone. I don't want to be a Pinterest mom. I want to be an authentic one. Not the kind posting hypothetical scenarios of perfection and poise but the one covered in muck and mess down and dirty in the trenches...because that's where you are too!

So, thank you! Thank you for being honest and transparent in your struggles of this failed pursuit of perfection and the feelings of unworthiness that surround us all at the end of weary days of potty training, wiping noses, and correcting behaviors. Thank you for being willing to stand with me in the gap, to remind me this is but a fleeting season (that one day we will surely miss!), and for holding me accountable in seeking godliness as we seek to model Christlike behavior to the children He's entrusted us with. Today's post is just for us.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all…

Broken

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I'm not even sure where to begin. The reality was I had told him not to play with it. I had explained, as I had so many times before, that not all things were meant to be played with. As we were cleaning up the fort that had taken over the living room, I saw the pieces on the floor. He had disobeyed and taken it off the door and now it was broken. Useless. Destroyed.

I'd like to tell you what happened next was a mother-son heart-to-heart conversation that was life-changing. Instead I have to humbly admit I lost it. The hardcore truth is I was beyond angry, frustrated, exasperated. I don't like the gremlin I can turn into when this child of mine pushes me to the limits. Ashamedly this is me.

I could sit here and make excuses and tell you it's his oppositional defiance or the repeated times I have to ask over and over...and over again. I could try to justify my reaction with years of built-up frustration combined with the difficulties in finding ways to reach him so he&…

2018

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"David said it all: I saw God before me for all time. Nothing can shake me; he's right by my side. 
I'm glad from the inside out, ecstatic; I've pitched my tent in the land of hope."
Acts 2:25-26, The Message
This is it! I can't even contain my excitement. Ecstatic? Yes! 
For the past week I've spent time in prayer and reflection, reading and studying, asking the Lord for a fresh word as I head into the new year. I can't say it always happens. It doesn't always hit like this but when it does, there is absolutely no denying the hand of God at work. This is one of those times. 
I just so happened to see it on a friend's post. Mixed among all the Happy New Year GIFS and wishes, but there it was in black and white. It stopped me in my tracks. It was as if the Lord Himself was speaking the words to my heart. Had I ever even read that verse? I couldn't be sure but it sent me on a spiral of searches to cross reference and find different translations.