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Showing posts from 2014

Another Year Gone By

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2014 is quickly coming to a close. In just a few hours we say goodbye to another year. It's always a time of reflection and I would be remisce if I didn't stop and count the many blessings and lessons of the year that's coming to a close. But first some of 2014's highlights:
January brought a fourth member to the family. 
Remember that fury little fluff ball? All 7 deceiving pounds of him that melted our hearts. It was the first week of January and the beginning of the Polar Vortex and a harsh, snowy 3 months of winter (even for Virginia). Now this 65 lb Oompa Loompa is a permanent fixture in the Wright Home and we wouldn't have it any other way. 
February brought my 35th birthday, more snow and these infamous shots. 
Oh how I love these photos. Yes, it was freezing. Yes, I had on snow boots and leggings underneath my gown. Yes, it was worth it!
Fast forward to April and Mikey's birthday, then May and a dino-mite 6th birthday. We also took our first vacation of the …

The Most Wonderful Time

It's the most wonderful time of year. At least that's what the song says. 
I openly admitted my love for this season which allows my inner child to actually be appropriate in public. Yes, I said this while donning my "tacky" Christmas sweater, complete with garland, packages, ornaments and, of course, a working strand of lights. It goes without saying that I embrace the Elf-like philosophy of spreading cheer by singing loud for all to hear. 
All of this makes it hard to understand why this season has but 3 days until Christmas and I find myself wondering how it's "slipped away." We scaled back this year. After a budget overhaul and some different goals we determined not to let Christmas break us. The same must be true from an emotional standpoint and not just budgetary purposes. What I'm realizing is that just because we aren't shopping to our limits, we certainly have been stretching ourselves to extremes. 
Doesn't everyone? I keep hearing it …

It's Christmas

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Thanksgiving has come and gone. December is upon us. The countdown to Christmas is here. I love this time of year. I cannot contain my joy. I admit, and most of you know, I am an extrovert by nature but there's something extra special about the spirit of Christmas that extends to holiday cheer.

I don't have anything profound to share today. In fact, just a few days ago someone asked me "Why haven't you blogged in awhile? Is everything okay?" Truthfully, yes. I realize I left you all hanging after my "I was mad" post. My deepest apologies. I'm happy to report I am not mad.

Today marks two months since we lost our little one. There's a special ornament on the tree. It's placed right beside a Christmas ball bearing the verse "For unto us a child is born..." It commemorates the Liberty Godparent Home in 2007. I hung it at the top of my tree that year as my prayer and faith in God to give me a baby. You know the story... The following ye…

I Was Mad

I could feel it welling up inside me. It was an emotional fit I wasn't prepared for. My chest was heaving. My heart was pounding. I couldn't think - all I wanted to do was throw something. Where was this anger coming from? I was MAD!
It had been building up all week. I'd become increasingly aware of the baby bumps around me. Everytime I saw someone - complete strangers even - I was somehow drawn to their growing bellies. I seemed to feel physical emptiness each time I saw someone else's belly and became aware of the absence in my own.
Pregnancy announcements continued to pop up on the news feed. Not just one - multiple. Some due in May. Some I can genuinely say I am happy about - friends who deserve to be happy with their glowing pregnancies. But all reminders of joy that I was feeling left out of.
It wasn't one thing. But there was definitely a trigger. A handmade gift, something of a memoriam, that I found destroyed. Somehow my 65 lb doodle had confused it for a che…

Thankful for His Name

"Oh give thanks unto The Lord; call upon His name, make known His deeds among the people." Psalm 15:1
Today I give thanks for the name of The Lord. The name that will one day cause every knee to bow and every tongue to confess. Today, this day, His name holds power. By His name we are saved. 
What does His name mean to you?
Jehovah Nissi - Banner Jehovah Rophe - Healer Jehovah Jirah - Provider Yahweh - Lord Jehovah Shalom - The God of peace El Shaddai - God Almighty Adonai - Master Elohim - Strength Jehovah Shammah - The Lord is there El Elyon - Most High El Roi - The God who sees El Olam - Everlasting God El Gibhor - Mighty God
At His name the demons tremble. At His name the angels rejoice. At His name mountains bow, seas are calmed. The power the name of The Lord holds is beyond what we can even comprehend. 
Today I am calling upon the name of my ever personal Father, The Lord my God and giving Him the glory He is due. There are so many more I could list, so many attributes He is, but for …

Happy November

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It was Halloween. I happened upon the candy aisle to purchase some goodies for work...When what to my wondering eyes would appear but the conflict of two holidays opposing forces on either side of the aisle, both fighting for their rightful place on the calendar. 

In case you can't see the full scope of the photo, Halloween's frightening fight on the left is taking on Christmas cheer on the right. I posted the photo only to have others remark about this not being the only store to do it. In fact, multiple stores were listed with the same celebratory conflict. Several other posts asked "Where is Thanksgiving?" Another even wondered, "What's a turkey gotta do to get some attention?"
Listen, I am one of the most festive people you will meet. I love to decorate and celebrate just about every holiday and Christmas is the epitome of pomp and circumstance in my world. But somewhere in this sea of commercialism is a lesson that I hope we all get.
It's not only…

OK. Not Okay

#7 on the list I shared the other day...It's okay not to be okay. 
I guess I should heed my own advice. Understand something. If you know me at all you know that I don't go into anything half-heartedly. So going back to "normal" (whatever that is) would also be full throttle for me. Or so I had hoped. The thing is if I lead everyone to believe I'm okay then they will treat me that way. I didn't want everyone to be afraid of me. I didn't want to - once again - disappoint. 
But honestly - who am I trying not to disappoint anyway?! Because the only three people who matter right now are God, my husband and my son. Oh, and me. I'm just being honest - I had convinced myself everything was fine. And most days (moments?) it is. I am. But not every moment. Not every time. Not every day. 
I went back to work and did it with joy in my heart. I had spent some exceptional time in the Presence of The Lord, completely basking in His glory, relishing His Spirit and clai…

Pregnancy Loss Awareness

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Two days after surgery I received a message. Someone else was going through the exact same thing. She was scheduled for a D&C the following day after just learning she had lost her little one. A few days later while my body is starting to "feel" healed someone shared her tears as she mourned with us. More than three decades later the memories and emotions came flooding back to remind her of her own loss. 
As I've walked this journey I've found a commonality with so many women, so many I never even knew about, and have realized the truth in the statistic that one in four pregnancies end in a loss or miscarriage. I've read forums, scoured websites, poured over the stories of other women who have experienced the same grief and loss. Some have struggled to feel the ability to grieve over their pregnancy. Others have hesitated to even refer to the life as a baby. I understand there are so many different emotions that came and for most they come in waves. 
Our journe…

Rain Boots

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Several months ago Elijah was given a pair of rain boots. Rain boots come in all styles but these are fashoined just like a fireman's boots. It may be one of the best hand-me-down presents he's ever received. Truthfully, I was afraid the boots were too big and thought he might not wear them, save for a rainy day. I would be more than proven wrong.
These boots have done more walking, more splashing, more climbing, more digging, more kicking and more dirt collecting than any other pair of shoes he's ever owned. I may not be exaggerating if I go as far as saying these boots may have in fact collected more wear and tear than all the shoes he's owned in the past 6 years. But for real...
One of the best discoveries of my little boot-wearer is the purpose they were acctually made for: rain. More importantly to a boy, puddles. I won't blame Peppa Pig for the splashing in mud puddles episode that provided added inspiration. Certainly this boy didn't need any help with the…

Every Detail

The leaves are starting to change. The brilliance of the sun on a fall morning is blinding. I'm in my favorite chair. I've been here for three hours. Streams of sunlight are pouring through the window. I've had worship music playing for most of the time. I began with a heavy heart. The house was empty and quiet. I had a recurring moment of asking God why, why our baby. Then I found comfort in His word, peace in His presence, grace in His embrace. I've found so much encouragement in His written Word, so much peace in the words sung by artists pouring out their praises to a God who amazes me. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to sit still.

The beauty of this fall morning is surrounding me and I am overwhelmed by His goodness. I know I am not the only one processing grief, walking through tragedy, dealing with disappointment. So many are hurting. So many are searching for meaning. Too many are trying to make sense of things that just don't make sense. I can'…

Hope is Not Lost

A week ago I wrote about hope. I didn't know what was happening or what was to come but with all of my heart I wanted to hold onto hope. From the depths of my soul I cried out to God to answer the way in which I hoped. He didn't. But I need you to understand that I haven't lost my hope. 
My hope is in The Lord. My expectation is from Him. My souls rests in Him. (Psalm 62:5)
Hope does not disappoint. In fact, it is the result of our trials producing perseverance and endurance. (Romans 5:3-5) God uses these times to show us Himself. It can be difficult to find Him when we feel He's not answering how we want. We can become angry or bitter when we don't get what we hope for. But when we allow supernatural faith to take over finite humanity, we find Him in all His sovereignty and we can find rest in His presence. This is where we find peace. This is where our faith is encouraged and our hope is renewed. 
Hope. "The desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in ful…

Peace and Thanksgiving

Peace and thanksgiving. It seems a contradiction to think those two could walk hand-in-hand in the midst of sorrow and grief. You want me to be honest? You know I always am. I have had moments of anger, moments of flat out temper tantrums of wanting my way. MY WAY. God, this was NOT my way. This was NOT the desire of my heart. I waiver back and forth between accepting God's Sovereign plan and being so utterly broken that I cannot even fathom the good that could come out of this. Oh yes, I know. I KNOW ALL THESE THINGS IN MY HEAD. His promises are true. Though He causes grief, joy comes, eventually, in the morning. He comforts those who mourn. He is close to the brokenhearted. Yes, these things I know. I've recited them over and over in my grief. There are moments of solice when the words wash over me as a healing balm. There are also moments of such unbearable pain that it seems nothing could soothe.

Let My peace rule in your heart - and be thankful. I have called you to a life…

Carry His Praises

There were photographs I wanted to take Things I wanted to show you Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not Truth is I'm barely hanging on But there's a greater story Written long before me Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you While your heart beats here Long beyond the empty cradle Through the coming years I will carry you All my life And I will praise the One Who's chosen me To carry you
He chose me to carry you and I did. For almost 8 weeks I carried my baby. I heard your heart beat. I watched the flutter moving on the screen. So tiny, still forming, only budding in shape but never fully forming who you were meant to become. You never got to breathe life on earth but the love we grew for you was insurmountable in such a short amount of time. I know that God has a plan for you. Even now He is working out His plan for your little life. I can't fully understand His plan but I rest in knowing there…

In the Arms of Jesus

Today we celebrate Baby Wright's home going to be with Jesus. We love this baby more than words can describe even though we won't meet this side of heaven. For the past five weeks we've known we have celebrated this life. Now we mourn the loss of our baby and the death of so many hopes and dreams we were embracing and preparing for. The arms holding me up are the same Sovereign arms now rocking my baby. There's comfort in that thought, despite the deep grief and pain. 
They repeatedly tell you not to think you did something wrong. I now understand this. It somehow feels like my fault but I did everything I could and I won't think for a second that I didn't pray enough or have strong enough faith. I trusted God for this baby. I trusted Him to take care of our baby. I know that He is, only now He is holding my baby for me until we meet in eternity. God didn't cause this to happen to us because of anything we did or didn't do. 
It's easy to ask why. Wh…

Hope

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Oh how I love this verse. It has been a comfort to me in so many times of uncertainty. Through so many trials I have claimed His joy and peace, prayed for His power to overflow me, called upon supernatural power that I know is mine to claim. I cannot even begin to tell you how I'm calling upon the God of hope to fill me in this moment now. 
Can I share something incredible? He has. He does. Even while I'm waiting for answers. Even while I'm unsure of what tomorrow holds. Even when I can't fully understand His plan and I can only be certain of HIM. I can still claim the assurance of HOPE that He brings. Not just enough to get by... Hope that overflows! Hope in abundance. Hope to make it through today and tomorrow. Hope to get past the point of uncertainty and hope to trust in Sovereign God. 
If that's not enough hope …

His Perfect Way

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of The Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. 2 Samuel 22:31
There are moments when our faith is tested. These are the moments when we're standing face-to-face with choosing to surrender and trust God or running in fear and doubt. 
I'm standing there right now. I'm looking up toward the heavens and having moments of uncertainty, "Why God? I don't understand. What are You doing? Why do You want me to go through this?" I can't say I've gotten any answer.
If I truly believe that verse then I will find assurance in His perfect way. Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when I can't make sense of it. Even when I'm unsure of the way myself. 
My response must be to take refuge in Him, whatever the outcome. Should He choose to move miraculously then I must bow before Him in awe and reverance, knowing full well that ONLY HE could have done this. 
And even if He doesn't answer…

When Doubt Creeps In

I don't have to tell you my fears and insecurities to be vulnerable. Satan knows them and he absolutely works overtime to get to me. It's the moments that are supposed to be restful when sleep evades me because of worrisome thoughts. It's the moments when I'm weak, most likely from spreading myself too thin and not drawing on the strength of The Lord. Then I am bombarded by overwhelming fear. Panic-stricken thoughts paralyze me and leave me consumed. 
Where is my faith? Help my unbelief, Lord! I love You. I trust You. But why is this overtaking me?
If I think for one second that the devil hasn't latched on to a foothold in my mind then I have not acknowledged the true evil we wrestle against. 
When you are feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances, take time to listen to Me.
Lord, I'm more than overwhelmed. I'm consumed. Afraid. Paralyzed and helpless. I know You're there and I know You haven't left me but I can't seem to overcome my present state t…

One At A Time

There are tears of sorrow and tears of joy. Tears of frustration and tears of absolute deliverance. I think I've cried all of them just this week. I promise this isn't related to pregnancy hormones. (Okay, it may be due in part to the hormones...)

This morning I spent some quiet moments in the pitch black pouring my heart out to God. The week has been full of emotions, full of circumstances, full of challenges, full of victories. Make no mistake - they've been hard fought victories. Victories the enemy wanted to claim for himself. Victories that were won only with the strength and grace of God and a whole lot of prayer. Victories that seem so much sweeter because the journey to get there was so strenuous. 
What I've come to realize is that the idea of God not giving us more than we can handle is far from the truth. In fact, I'm certain that He does give us more than we can do on our own. I'm altogether so thankful this is how He works. 
I am so guilty of going …

We're Expecting

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I've started the first line a half dozen times and can't seem to know where to begin. Michael and I are expecting a baby early May 2015. Yes, you can do the math and figure that I'm only a few weeks pregnant (does that make me any less pregnant?!) and yes, we chose to announce before the traditional first trimester. It doesn't really matter why but I can tell you that there is a life inside of me and that is something we want to celebrate! 
I can't come up with words to describe the goodness of God. The abundance of blessing bestowed on us is almost too much to handle at times. I know I don't deserve it. I have not earned it. But I will boast only in The Lord and His wonderous love and blessings. Even when I've been wandering, lost and faithless. Even when I've doubted and prayed what I thought were endless unheard prayers. My God was there, ever listening, ever waiting, ready with His perfect plan in His perfect timing. 
Those two little knit booties in …

Welcome September

It happens. Every year. Without fail. It's 90 degrees with high humidity yet throughout the course of this day that feels like summer's last hoorah, I'm pining for all things fall. Welcome September. I'm so glad you're here. 

We've spent our Labor Day laboring - deep cleaning, that is. It feels like we're preparing for spring but instead we're fully embracing what's soon-to-be autumn. The windows have all been cleaned and the screens put on. My husband cannot know the full extend of the happiness he has brought me by doing this. There's a warm breeze (maybe more like hot?!) but I'm absolutely thrilled that the cooler temperatures coming will allow the windows to be opened and let the breezes blow through. The house is clean and it just feels "good." It feels like we're ready for the new season.

I guess I'm all-too-predictable since at least half a dozen people have let me know the Pumpkin Spice Oreo flavor that's out. O…

Looks A Lot Like Me

You might remember that we had a rough start to the week. No self-control, a lack of focus, the inability to complete a task, disrespect for those in authority, and the list goes on… 
We celebrated small successes yesterday. He had good behavior… He just didn't do his work. Baby steps towards progress. (Today was his "best day yet"! YAY!)
The only thing he wanted to do was play outside with his best friend. He lost that privilege after a day full of bad decisions on Monday so my plea to him before a new day began was that if he wanted his play time he had to stay on green. Green he got and to my word he was sure to hold me. Never mind the fact that I had inadvertently left the completion of work off the checklist of specifics. (Didn't know I had to be so specific! This kid is good at navigating/manipulating the details. Remind me to check all the fine print!)
He woke up bright and early today and asked to ride his scooter outside. Burn off some energy before school for …

Never Give Up

Any carpool mom knows this is the place where your patience is tested and tested over again. This is where you play the game of toss up. Do you show up early and wait for what may be a near eternity knowing you've earned your kid a place at the front of the line to leave? Or do you wait out the line and show up "late" (just as school lets out) and wait at the very back of the line? I've tried them both. Either way you wait.

The car rider line is where you sit, breathe, catch up on an iBook, read the emails that have piled up from the day, or see what the newsfeed has to share. Oh look, more carpool moms waiting in endless car rider lines wasting their lives away JUST LIKE ME!
You learn to love fall and spring more than you ever knew you could. Otherwise you sit and BAKE in the beating down sun in summer, waiting out the rising heat until you feel the sweat dripping down your back and then decide it's time to turn on the car and get some A/C. Winter is where you w…