Peace and Thanksgiving
Peace and thanksgiving. It seems a contradiction to think those two could walk hand-in-hand in the midst of sorrow and grief. You want me to be honest? You know I always am. I have had moments of anger, moments of flat out temper tantrums of wanting my way. MY WAY. God, this was NOT my way. This was NOT the desire of my heart. I waiver back and forth between accepting God's Sovereign plan and being so utterly broken that I cannot even fathom the good that could come out of this. Oh yes, I know. I KNOW ALL THESE THINGS IN MY HEAD. His promises are true. Though He causes grief, joy comes, eventually, in the morning. He comforts those who mourn. He is close to the brokenhearted. Yes, these things I know. I've recited them over and over in my grief. There are moments of solice when the words wash over me as a healing balm. There are also moments of such unbearable pain that it seems nothing could soothe.
Let My peace rule in your heart - and be thankful. I have called you to a life of peace and thankfulness. These two are closely related. The more grateful you are, the better able you are to receive My peace. Conversely, the more peaceful you are, the easier it is to be grateful. Your calmness helps you to think clearly and to recognize the many blessings I shower upon you.
Oh yes, Lord, I can see how these two work together but what I cannot see is how this grief will somehow work together for my good. Yes, I can stand back and see the abundance of blessings you pour into my life and I know I am not worthy of any of it. None of it have I earned and yet I would be willing to give it all back if You could take this cup from me, if You could have allowed this blessing to be mine.
This calm thankfulness is independent of circumstances; it flows out of your confidence that I always do what is best - even when you cannot understand My ways. My peace can function as an umpire in your heart, settling the questions and doubts that rise up in your thoughts.
I admit - this is the most difficult part. Do I trust You? Yes. Do I have faith in You? Of course. Do I trust You with even this? I must. It is all I can do.
Whenever you start to feel anxioius, use those feelings as a reminder to communicate with Me. Talk with Me about whatever is disturbing you. Bring me all your requests with thanksgiving.
Father, You know what it is that troubles me. You know why my heart is broken. How can I be thankful for this? I am trying to move past the deep grief and look to You for all that is good, knowing full well that when You planned all the days for my life, you saw even this. It's so hard to say that I am thankful for this pain. What I know I can be thankful for is the life you gave us, even if just for a few short weeks. I am thankful for Your presence in the midst of pain. I am thankful for the many people who have gathered around us to comfort and encourage. There are things I can find to be thankful for but I admit it seems too much of a stretch to say I am grateful this has happened.
You are Mine - intimately united with Me - I personally guard your heart and mind with My peace. Remember that this is supernatural peace, which surpasses all understanding.
It has to be, because my finite human mind can't comprehend. All I can do is hold onto You and in Your presence I find peace. For all that you've done for me, I will give thanks. For all I know You can do through even this, I will still choose to give thanks. You are good, even when the things we face are awful. You alone God. In You I find peace and can offer thanks.
As for God, His way is perfect; the word of The Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. Psalm 18:30