This morning I spent some quiet moments in the pitch black pouring my heart out to God. The week has been full of emotions, full of circumstances, full of challenges, full of victories. Make no mistake - they've been hard fought victories. Victories the enemy wanted to claim for himself. Victories that were won only with the strength and grace of God and a whole lot of prayer. Victories that seem so much sweeter because the journey to get there was so strenuous.
What I've come to realize is that the idea of God not giving us more than we can handle is far from the truth. In fact, I'm certain that He does give us more than we can do on our own. I'm altogether so thankful this is how He works.
I am so guilty of going along my own merry way and doing things myself. After all, I am a self-proclaimed control freak. I will figure out a way, solve the problem, overcome the challenge and deal with the adversity head-on. I'm not the one to back down. I'm also not the one to run. And yet over and over I realize that on my own, that is if it were up to me, I would just think it's in my own strength. It would be so easy for me to forget or overlook my need for God. It would also be way too much like me to take all the credit.
I can recall moments, usually circumstances, that encapsulate the utter dependency I have on the need for my Savior, the sheer helplessness I've felt on my own. In these moments I've turned to God. I've fully surrendered and put my whole trust and faith in Him because I had absolutely nothing else to turn to.
With such a spotty memory, I bounce right back into the "smooth sailing" of life and before long I'm back to my old faulty way of thinking that somehow I am the cause for my present state of calm and peace. Somehow I seem to mistakenly believe I can claim the victory for myself.
Oh me. When will I learn?
Let me say something here. I don't think God intentionally causes problems for us just because He wants us to struggle. God wants to show Himself mighty. He wants to remind us of our need for Him. The trials we face give Him the opportunity to reign and work and reveal Himself to us. God also wants to grow our faith. Our own inability to meet our need causes us to rely on Him and develop our faith and dependency on Him.
Even when things haven't gone well, even when I haven't been able to understand or fix everything, I've never lost sight of God at work. I don't need to explain all the different ways just this week He's reminded me of who He is and how He is at work. When I let Him work, that is. Tears of thankfulness. Tears of surrender. Tears of celebration, one victory at a time. Even if that victory is simply me understanding my need for Him.
Today I'm also crying tears of joy for the simple things that sometimes take so much effort and cause so much difficulty. Tears of rejoicing for the small victories that serve as the reminders that God is always at work.