Grief Part 1

I think I’ve gained 5 pounds. No, seriously. I’m not complaining about my weight but I am making the observation of how much I must be eating. I’m cooking a lot, which is good, but I’m snacking and munching and eating when I’m not hungry. I’m also enjoying A LOT of chocolate gelato. Anyone else eating more these days?

I caught Eli going to the pantry for the 14th time the other day and tried to stop him when he replied, “I’m eating for my emotional health.” Me too, buddy, me too.

This week is week three for our stay-at-home family and we’re all still adjusting. I admit I’m probably more “controlling” than most and have been operating on a fairly “normal” schedule when it comes to bedtime, meals, homeschooling, and daily activities. Of course there’s been a lot more down time, but that’s also allowed for new opportunities for us to be together. Still, we’re adjusting.

As I share this week, I’m going to focus on something most of us may not be thinking about, much less wanting to talk about. The elephant in the room must be addressed and I’ve never shied away from conflict.

Grief.

We are all in a different phase of it but we’re all dealing with some level of grief. Maybe you don’t feel like you’re grieving. Maybe you’re not sure what to grieve. I assure you that circling this entire pandemic is a world of grief. Grief for the way things used to be. Grief over jobs lost or hours cut back. Grief over not being able to see friends and family. Grief as we gather in our living rooms and tune in yet another Sunday for a livestream service. Grief realizing we won’t be together on Easter to celebrate a Risen Savior in our sanctuaries (that one hit me really hard). Grief over not being able to make a Target run (my poor daughter asks all the time). Grief because of a non-essential _____ anything. Grief. It’s penetrating the daily things we used to do but can’t. Grief realizing our world will never be the same.

We’re grieving, and whether we’re in denial, upset and depressed, or just flat out mad, I dare say we’ve reached a state of complete acceptance of our new normal.

It’s important to realize grief isn’t something to be solved. It’s not a destination we finally arrive at. It’s a process and a feeling. It’s a journey. We must recognize what we’ve lost. We also must be aware of our feelings. That feeling of restlessness, the inability to sleep, the desire to only sleep, the constant munchies, sometimes deep within the subconscious our feelings are buried but our bodies are telling us something. Pay attention to it and name it. Make steps toward a new normal and routine. I’m going to spend more time on this Wednesday but decide to do one thing each day that you know you can accomplish. Choose one thing that helps things feel normal and then embrace the new things.

Look for joy. I was walking the other day when a huge breeze carried a flurry of cherry blossom petals through the air sprinkling all around me like a snowstorm. It was glorious! I stopped and put my arms out and spun around. I couldn’t help the sheer joy I felt. See the joy. Feel it. Be willing to embrace it in the small things. Choose it.

We’ll tackle more tomorrow but by acknowledging where we may be in this state of grief, I’m praying together we can come up with some next steps to walk through this together.

What does grief look and feel like for you?