Friday, May 6, 2016

Blessed Be His Name

It's coming up on Mother's Day. It used to be one of the most dreaded holidays I could ever experience. Now it's one of my favorites. Mother's Day weekend always falls around my son's birthday and it stands as an annual reminder of God's richest blessings and answers to prayer.

I've spent some time this morning making my list:
- Cupcakes for Eli's Birthday
- Card for Mother's Day
- Wrap gifts

Just a few of the preparations in a weekend full of party plans. You know how seriously I take celebrating and this is certainly a weekend that deserves celebration. But not just birthday parties and mother's day plans. No, this calls for a full and complete honoring of the faithfulness of God. The sentiment attached to these memorable days is fiercely tied to remembrance and gratitude woven together with tenderness. This is my proclamation that God is faithful, so faithful.

Sunday morning we will sing the familiar worship song "Blessed Be Your Name." It holds significant meaning for me because it was the same song I stood to sing more than 8 years ago after learning a birthmother had not chosen me. Oh how I prayed. PRAYED. I called out, cried out, claiming the baby boy she was carrying by name. I asked God to do this - I knew that He could - and I believed in faith that He would. She seemed so genuine in the interview and I thought we had made a connection. I was certain, just sure, she felt it too and somehow I sensed God answering this prayer. But I was wrong. I was not the mother she would choose for her baby boy and one cold day in February I would learn he was placed with another family. Just days later I would stand in church and sing the words through tears, "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, Blessed be Your name."

I had to come face-to-face that day with the question of whether or not I would still choose to bless Him despite the emptiness my heart was facing. This Sunday I can stand and sing with full assurance of how much I not only believe it, but want to proclaim this truth:

Blessed be Your Name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your Name

You may still hold your doubts, it's easy for me to bless His name after receiving His blessings. But lest I need to offer clarification...I've experienced the promised land of plenty but oh how I have also wandered through the desert. It makes me all the more aware of how blessed I am. How one can truly offer praise through the pain, how sacrifice and suffering can bring about perseverance and gratitude. My road to motherhood alone brought me through infertility, failed adoption placements, successful adoption, miscarriage and a successful pregnancy. It's why there's so much meaning to this celebration-filled weekend. It's the reminder of the hope we have in Christ. Even when life is difficult, complicated, painful and downright broken, I can hold onto a good, loving and faithful God who carried me through every tear-filled painful step that led me to where I am today. And this is only my journey to motherhood! I won't even use this blog space to write about the daily trials through motherhood and parenting, let alone life, love and other experiences.

There may be pain in your offering but He turns our mourning into dancing. He gives and takes away but He never leaves us. Whether you're dreading this weekend or preparing your own heartfelt celebrations, I pray you'll know His goodness and hope. I pray, if nothing else, you can celebrate His faithfulness in your life with confidence that He is working it all out for your good. You may not be able to see it yet. Eight years later I'm still discovering and being reminding of this truth. Through every blessing He's poured out, and yes even in the emptiness and darkness, my heart will choose to bless His name.

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