Unwilling Participant
I had everything set. The dress, the shoes, the matching hair bow, the props. It was all laid out. Violet is a month away from turning 2 and we decided to forego a frivolous party and take a family vacation instead. But there still needed to be pictures. So I scheduled the photo shoot and got everything ready. She was all dolled up and I stood back waiting for my little princess to participate in what I was certain would be the most picturesque photos we would cherish for years to come.
I was wrong. So wrong.
It was hot. 86 degrees in October. Not a cloud in the sky, the sun was beating down on us both. She was not having anything to do with me putting her down. She screamed and cried the second I tried to pry her out of my arms. I tried to reason with her, got her blanket, was even willing to cave to the idea of a pacifier just to calm her down. Nothing worked. She met my determination to get amazing photos with her own resolve to not participate.
Forty five scalding minutes later, I was dripping and she was sporting a splotchy red tear-stained face. The photographer was gracious and patient and offered to come back in the morning when it was cooler and everyone was calmer. I'm sure she meant me because even though my daughter was the one in tears, I was only seconds away from my own meltdown.
I opted out of the next shoot so as not to be a distraction...but I could literally hear her screaming from a mile away. For real. The best laid plans and props weren't enough. The adorable outfit wasn't going to cut it. She wasn't having anything to do with my vision for this photoshoot and that seemed final.
Fast forward two days and my daughter was guiding me by the hand on a leisurely walk to the pond. We walked and talked, sang and clapped. She threw rocks in the water and then turned to me ever-so-sweetly and sat down on the grass. With the sun glistening off her blonde curls she motioned for me to come near and then said, "Take picture." She sat there as still and calm as she could and smiled like a little angel. I nearly gasped. Had she just instructed me to take her picture in the exact spot we spent almost 2 hours trying to get pictures??? Yes, yes she had. And all I could do was laugh and tell her what a stinker she was for not participating two days prior. Would you believe I didn't even take my phone to document the moment? There is no proof. Simply my own memory and now this blog of the moment it was her idea to sit and smile.
I imagine God must have been laughing, reminding me of how my best laid plans are often completely against what He has envisioned for me. Or worse, when I cry and scream and throw a fit in my unwillingness to participate in what He has planned for me. Oh yes, I'm certain I've earned my picture on the Heavenly Wall of Shame as an Unwilling Participant. Just like my daughter has earned herself documented proof of her unwillingness to get her picture taken on her own terms. Too often I want things on my own terms. I want Him to do things according to my plan. And when I don't get my way, I make sure He knows about it.
It's shameful to admit but I'd be lying if I didn't. May this be a reminder to me to know He is good, to recognize when He sets me down on my own He isn't abandoning me. May I trust His vision and plan even when I don't understand or know what it is. May I be a willing participant regardless of what it is He's asking me to do.
I was wrong. So wrong.
It was hot. 86 degrees in October. Not a cloud in the sky, the sun was beating down on us both. She was not having anything to do with me putting her down. She screamed and cried the second I tried to pry her out of my arms. I tried to reason with her, got her blanket, was even willing to cave to the idea of a pacifier just to calm her down. Nothing worked. She met my determination to get amazing photos with her own resolve to not participate.
Forty five scalding minutes later, I was dripping and she was sporting a splotchy red tear-stained face. The photographer was gracious and patient and offered to come back in the morning when it was cooler and everyone was calmer. I'm sure she meant me because even though my daughter was the one in tears, I was only seconds away from my own meltdown.
I opted out of the next shoot so as not to be a distraction...but I could literally hear her screaming from a mile away. For real. The best laid plans and props weren't enough. The adorable outfit wasn't going to cut it. She wasn't having anything to do with my vision for this photoshoot and that seemed final.
Fast forward two days and my daughter was guiding me by the hand on a leisurely walk to the pond. We walked and talked, sang and clapped. She threw rocks in the water and then turned to me ever-so-sweetly and sat down on the grass. With the sun glistening off her blonde curls she motioned for me to come near and then said, "Take picture." She sat there as still and calm as she could and smiled like a little angel. I nearly gasped. Had she just instructed me to take her picture in the exact spot we spent almost 2 hours trying to get pictures??? Yes, yes she had. And all I could do was laugh and tell her what a stinker she was for not participating two days prior. Would you believe I didn't even take my phone to document the moment? There is no proof. Simply my own memory and now this blog of the moment it was her idea to sit and smile.
I imagine God must have been laughing, reminding me of how my best laid plans are often completely against what He has envisioned for me. Or worse, when I cry and scream and throw a fit in my unwillingness to participate in what He has planned for me. Oh yes, I'm certain I've earned my picture on the Heavenly Wall of Shame as an Unwilling Participant. Just like my daughter has earned herself documented proof of her unwillingness to get her picture taken on her own terms. Too often I want things on my own terms. I want Him to do things according to my plan. And when I don't get my way, I make sure He knows about it.
It's shameful to admit but I'd be lying if I didn't. May this be a reminder to me to know He is good, to recognize when He sets me down on my own He isn't abandoning me. May I trust His vision and plan even when I don't understand or know what it is. May I be a willing participant regardless of what it is He's asking me to do.
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