Yesterday my son went home from the sitter with a fever...only he didn't come home to me. This is one of those harsh realities of divided families. Mommies are supposed to care for their sick little ones. When you're sick, you usually want your mommy. But he wasn't with me. I couldn't hold him. I couldn't give him medicine. I couldn't be there for him. There was nothing I could personally, physically do for him.
At the heart of this issue are so many things wrapped up in the consequences and pain, the children who truly suffer, and every other nasty aftermath from divorce. We'd need another blog for it all. But one thing is certain - It's challenged me and my place as a mother.
I won't always be present. I won't always be able to nurture or care. I won't always be around to guide and direct decisions. I won't always be there for him. But whatever the circumstance I can assure you that this painful process has taught me to kneel before I can ever rise to the occasion as a mother.
If you ask my adopted son, "What did mommy pray for?" he will answer, "For a baby...for me." I love that he knows that HE was the direct answer to my prayers to become a mother. It is in this simple truth that I am also reminded that the gift I've been given is the very same gift I must turn back over to the Lord. This is true for any parent, whatever your status or situation. It's an interesting thought to offer ourselves as living sacrifices yet cling so tightly to the very thing that we should be willing to offer Him. We see the example of Abraham offering Isaac. Hannah also reminds us of this in 1 Samuel 1:27-28. We quote the first part of this verse but it seems the second part of it is often left out.
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given to the Lord."
I love that part... "for his whole life he will be given to the Lord..." Have I given over my son? I have turned him back to God? When I'm there? When I'm not? It's so easy for me to be caught up in the moments when I'm disciplining, training, teaching or just playing with my boy. Do I really need to remind myself I don't have it all together?!?!
For this child I have prayed - I prayed for him to come. I prayed for him to be mine. I prayed to be his mother. But I can't stop there. Now I must pray for him as he grows. I must pray as he learns. I must pray for his heart, for his mind, for every external factor he faces. I must cover him in prayer, more than the hugs and kisses I lavish on him. For this child I must pray...and pray...and pray!!!