Monday, June 22, 2015

The Secret Place

In 2008 the year of Elijah's birth, 95% of the birthmothers residing in the Liberty Godparent Home were expecting boys. Friends of mine had been placed with what was known to be the expectant sole girl just months before Eli was born. The chances of me becoming the mom of a boy were high. And somehow it never seemed to phase me, despite previous thoughts of wanting a girly girl. It seemed almost fitting that I would become the mother of a son. I hope it's now safe to say I have embraced this title with more dirt, worms, frogs, cars, Legos and outdoor play than I could have ever prepared myself for...and I've loved every single second!

June 23rd has been scheduled for almost 5 weeks so it is with building anticipation that we finally reach this long-awaited day. It's known as the midway anatomy scan and for many, including us, it will also be the big gender reveal! Oh yes, this day is highly anticipated when no longer will it be unknown what gender our baby is. When we get to start buying bows and ribbons and all things purple (because if you know me, you know it must be purple over pink), or if we will keep with the theme of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. 

I would be lying if I told you a little girl to dress up and spoil, to be my mini me, wouldn't be a dream come true. Yet I simply cannot deny the bond I have with my boy and how much I love being the mom of a son. I only know that would double with another boy. 

What do I think? I keep saying boy. I have tried every old wives tale, studying my previous (way-too-early) ultra sounds and everything has seemingly been divided. Still my thought remains boy. Is it a feeling? Not necessarily. Especially since Michael and Eli have held steadfast with team purple this entire time. 

Even as I laid down to sleep, Baby Wright was ever so softly tapping on me from the inside. I placed my hand on my stomach. 

Hello Lovey. I love you so much. Tomorrow night when I lay down to sleep I will be able to call you son or daughter. For now, this one last night I rest knowing only God Himself knows. He has known you from the very beginning of time, even before you came to be. He's had His hand on you, fashioning and forming you in the secret place where only He could see. He's been lovingly shaping you, planning your days, as I simply dream of you and the day we will finally meet face to face. He and He alone has already laid eyes on you as He's knit you together in my womb. Only He knows, and the truth is, no matter what is revealed it won't matter...because you will still be mine and your daddy's, sibling to Eli and our precious gift from God. I love you, but I hope that isn't a secret. I tell you all the time. I am so excited for what will be revealed but I'm even more excited with what I already know: I am your mommy. You may already know my voice. And we are preparing for you whether that means purple or blue, girl or boy. You are ours, hand-crafted by God and places in my womb to forever be a part of our Family. 

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

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