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Showing posts from May, 2012

Mirror Mirror

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope (expectation) comes from him. Psalm 62:5

Mirror mirror on the wall... I don't even have the strength to face the reflection I see. Staring at my flaws and insecurities and wondering how on earth the emotional bandaid can get ripped off my frail heart. Without warning and with full force, it happens so quickly that it causes the wound to be gaping and bleeding all over again. I barely recognize the person staring back at me. I certainly can't look her in the eyes.

I hate this feeling. Insecurities take over and cause me to call everything into question. Trust is stripped away and I am a prisoner to doubts and worry. Fears creep in and nearly squealch the life out of me. I am overwhelmed by the flood of emotions and bound by these feelings that leave me helpless. Intentionally or maybe even subconsciously, I sabotage myself and even my relationships. It's precisely why I don't release myself to "feel," yet here I am u…

The Coffee Spot

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8:30 a.m. and I'm settling into my morning routine. Laptop is fired up, sorting through emails, social media opened in separate browsers. A bakery-fresh blueberry muffin accompanies my tall mug of dark roast with chocolate caramel creamer. And then it happens. From the lip of my cup a single drop of coffee takes the nearly two-foot plunge to my lap. It was a perfect splatter of brown coffee about a centimeter in diameter now marking my freshly-washed sand-colored linen pants.

Not wanting to walk around with a coffee spot all day, I quickly dabbed a napkin with water and started to scrub. I was too focused on removing the coffee spot to realize the paper napkin bore a logo in green ink that was now becoming a part of my attire. The small coffee spot was now successfully mixed with green ink in an even bigger circle on my once-clean pants.

I was certain people were staring straight at the spot as I made the long trek to the bathroom. We are energy-efficient with automatic everyth…

Zephaniah 3:17

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Oh, how I love this verse! It is so rich with promises, it soothes no matter what my soul is facing.

God is with you.
When I feel all alone, abandoned, broken-hearted, destroyed, desolate...I can trust in the promise that God is with me. No matter who has failed me, He has never left my side. You are not alone. God is with you.

He is mighty to save.
I will never forget kneeling beside my bed as a tender-hearted five year old and acknowleding I needed a Savior. It is the salvation of your soul that I hope you've experienced - the gift of eternal life through His atoning sacrifice. The price He paid for you and me to have everlasting life. But it is also the salvation that comes through daily circumstances; the power He works in us to overcome the problems, pain, troubles and trials we face. He is mighty to save.

He…

We Remember

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E & I spent the weekend with my best friend, her 3 kids, and her Navy husband. It was nice to get away, and especially nice that he's stationed in VA Beach. We took full advantage of going to the beach on base. It was more than just a great day to dip my toes in the ocean and relax to the sound of the crashing waves; it was a a reminder of the holiday weekend we were celebrating. We were surrounded by service men and women, but that was only the beginning. 
You see, before we ever made our way to the beach, we had to clear security where Officer Daniel was saluted as he drove us on base. He pointed to the left and shared that we were passing a small military facility where SEAL Team Six operates. While this group is usually "top secret" they made worldwide headlines when they took out Osama bin Laden. Wow. All I could do was stare. I was so humbled and so grateful.

Then today I was honored to sing the National Anthem for the downtown Lynchburg Memorial Day service.…

Living Proof

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Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. Psalm 119:175

My tattered Bible from college shows it underlined with a heart drawn in the margin. It's not just a verse I know. It's a verse I want to live.

Yesterday I heard a song that echoes this sentiment. "Let my life be the proof of Your love."

The verses speak straight from my heart:

If I sing but don't have love
I waste my breathe with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise


I have said it before, but if it ever becomes about me, then I pray He takes it away. If I sing without communicating His love, every note is wasted. I am nothing but an empty voice without His love living through me.

If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don't have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say


I've been a keynote speaker, presenter, writer, blogger...but without His love in my life, my words only leave a bitter taste to all who hear. Oh I pray it isn't true of me!

I f…

Just Relax

We were in the doctor's office for the 4-year-old check-up. The actual room was no bigger than a walk-in closet and it felt more like a cubby for a rambunctious boy that simply can't stand being still or contained. I admit - even I felt the walls were closing in on us. The doctor finally came in, and not a moment too soon, but the more I tried to talk with the pediatrician about the health and well-being of my child, the louder said child became.

Of course he would be putting me to the test right here, right now.

I had to find the balance in my tone so the observing pediatrician would know I was firm and stern yet loving and caring. I felt like I was the one being examined.

"E, two people are talking," I politely said, hoping he'd remember the manners we've worked so hard on.

The dull noise of a preschooler talking grew to an attention-getting volume that was much too loud for the tiny little examination room.

"ELIJAH. Inside voice, please," I sa…

Good Morning

The alarm jolted my peaceful slumber. The sun was peeking through the blinds which always makes me happy. My eyes were tired and my body was sore but my heart was full.

"Good morning, Lord. Thank You for another day."

"Good morning, my child. I love you today."

It was as if He was sitting at the end of my bed. I knew He'd been there all night, watching over me as I slept, singing songs over me to offer me peace and comfort even in my now forgotten dreams. I wondered if he was distracted by my bedhead that reflected a sound night of sleep. Hopefully He wasn't catching wind of my morning breath as I spoke.

"God, my heart is full ... but there's a lot on my mind."

"I know, child."

"Do You want to hear about it?"

He didn't answer but I felt certain the strength in His face and the care in His eyes gave me the go-ahead to share.

"God, I know you already know... but I have so many requests... for me, for my family, for…

Rain, Rain GROW Away!

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Monday morning after a ridiculously full weekend...Two birthday parties for a very active 4 year old, Mother's Day festivities, family gatherings, presents, church services, friends, graduation... SHEW! I'm tired! To top it off, Monday morning brought a grey sky and consistent rain with the forecast of all-day-showers. Bah humbug!

I fought the urge to stay in bed and braved the morning. Then I heard it, "Mom...it's raining outside!" E was up and with excitement I made my way to his room. I love to greet my little boy in the morning. I climbed in bed with him and we looked through the open blinds to a soggy grey day.

"Why's it raining?" a curious boy needed to know.

"The rain is how God waters the earth. He waters the flowers and the trees and the grass so everything grows."

"Aww (he said with a big sigh)...I'm sad because I wanted to play outside!"

"I know, bud, but the grey clouds outside don't reflect how my hea…

Breaking the Silence: Infertility

The Saturday before Mother's Day is Birthmother's Day, the day to honor birthmothers who have given and chosen life. And then there's Mother's Day. Earlier this week I honored Elijah's birthday with a post. Even as I shared of not knowing where I was on the day of his birth, others read this and shared private messages of their current pain and desire to have a child.

We'll honor mothers everywhere this weekend. If you're at church with me, you'll be asked to stand and be recognized as the congregation will applaud moms. But I'm mindful that just 4 years ago I was not able to stand, and while I was seated and blending in with the crowd, I was silently dying inside.

Please don't take offense, but when you're dealing with/diagnosed with any type of infertility, it's not usually the kind of thing that makes the prayer list. Over and over on our prayer requests from church we see requests for surgery, illness, cancer, accidents, sometimes eve…

So Long, Farewell...

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I came onto campus and nearly overlooked that I didn't have to pass row after row of parked cars. I drove to the front and casually pulled in, as if it was my own reserved space. As I walked through the normally packed student center, I counted 2 people lounging and a sea of open couches and tables. How many days have I waited and waited for a table to open up but now I could have had my choice of seats. When I ordinarily had to navigate my way through crowded halls and trip over bodies moving in swarms, I now didn't pass a single person on my long walk through the building. The bustling has subsided. It's the calm before the storm because today's desolate campus is almost a facade compared to the 34,000 people expected to swarm the university tomorrow.

The truth is despite the barrenness and absence of people, there's still an excitement in the air. It feels like Christmas Eve, although my ode to "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" may be more appropr…

What's Your Story?

I had the awesome privilege of being the keynote speaker at a regional writer's awards ceremony. 116 students, Kindergarten through 12th grade, plus 250 parents, teachers and other family members, gathered to be honored for winning writing contests. They represented a half dozen counties and dozens of schools; not to mention varying in age from 5 to 65. I was already wondering how on earth I had been chosen to impart words of wisdom and encouragement to these aspiring authors, journalists and novelists, let alone find applicable material for my vast audience.

I am often asked where I find the inspiration to write my blog. Not because what I shared is anything of grandeur, but I want to share a different kind of post with you and offer the words I gave to these young writers. You may not be a writer or a blogger or even a tweeter, but I believe the premise applies to each and everyone of us no matter what kind of forum or platform we're given to share.

There are two main points…

Happy Birthday Elijah!

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May 9, 2008. I can't really recall what I was doing that day. It was a Friday and the day before graduation so I am left to assume I was wrapped up in the festivities and a full day of work. I have no great memory of anything significant that day so I truly can't recall it. Little did I know...

Sara would be admitted to the hospital to be induced because the baby inside her was feared to not be growing. I don't know how long her labor was. I don't even know the exact time she delivered. I recall being told it was some time in the afternoon. All the while, I would have been diligently working away, completely obvlivious to the happenings in a hospital 15 minutes away. Little did I know this birthmother would have a labor coach who used to work for our business years prior. Little did I know that labor coach was someone I had shared with in bible study, someone who had heard me offer up prayer requests of my desire to be a mother. Little did I know that even though I ha…

It Is Well

I stood to sing today. It's something I've done a thousand times before. Familiar hymns at that, Amazing Grace and It is Well With My Soul. Who knows how many times I've sung them.  But there was nothing familiar or comfortable about voicing these songs today.

Today I stood to sing with a podium as the only barrier between me and the coffin. Inside the body of a 69 year old man suddenly killed after a tragic accident. The story made the news but there were no reporters today, just hundreds there to honor a life lost.

Just beyond the coffin sat his widow. I looked straight into her tear-filled eyes as I sang the words, "When peace like a river attendeth my way; When sorrows like sea billows roll..."

Next to her was the daughter mourning her daddy, tears streaming as I sang to her, "Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say..."

I wanted them to not just hear the words and notes but to find solace in the promise that maybe not today, but someday they'…

Just Breathe...

"How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe." Daniel 10:17

Have you ever experienced this? How can you even utter a word to the Lord when your strength is gone and you can barely breathe?

Are you stressed?
Just breathe...

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
Just breathe...

Have you gotten so bogged down under the weight of the pressure?
Just breathe...

Do you ever feel as though you simply can't make the right decision?
Just breathe...

Do you feel as though the decisions are so daunting you don't have the ability to even decide?
Just breathe...

Do you ever experience such anxiety it cripples you to a helpless state?
Just breathe...

Do you feel as though the waves might consume you?
Just breathe...

Do you ever feel as though peace escapes you?
Just breathe...

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Psalm 62:5

Breathe in. Breathe out. One simple breath at a time.

With each inhale, take Him in. Find r…

I Bleed When Pricked

I ended up with one of the worst migraines I've had in a very long time. I couldn't open my eyes because I was so sensitive to any ray of light. I could barely feel my arm and hand because they both kept tingling with numbness. I was so nauseated I couldn't eat. I actually had tears falling because I hurt so badly. I was unable to function.  It resulted in such debilitating pain I found myself in the doctor's office waiting to get a shot of pain medication.

As the nurse pricked my arm with the needle that would deliver the medicine to help me feel better, I heard her remark, "Oops, you bleed when pricked, huh?" I looked down to see drops of blood where the needle had pricked my skin. Ordinarily the sight of blood would cause me to be queazy but I was in so much pain I couldn't even bring myself to care.

It's true. I bleed when pricked.

I've found myself in such a debilitating state that I can't move or function. I've been rendered useles…