Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope (expectation) comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Mirror mirror on the wall... I don't even have the strength to face the reflection I see. Staring at my flaws and insecurities and wondering how on earth the emotional bandaid can get ripped off my frail heart. Without warning and with full force, it happens so quickly that it causes the wound to be gaping and bleeding all over again. I barely recognize the person staring back at me. I certainly can't look her in the eyes.
I hate this feeling. Insecurities take over and cause me to call everything into question. Trust is stripped away and I am a prisoner to doubts and worry. Fears creep in and nearly squealch the life out of me. I am overwhelmed by the flood of emotions and bound by these feelings that leave me helpless. Intentionally or maybe even subconsciously, I sabotage myself and even my relationships. It's precisely why I don't release myself to "feel," yet here I am under the weight of emotional torment. Sigh...
God reminded me of Psalm 62:5...I need to know that my hope is in the Lord and even when I don't live up to people's expectations, I can still find rest in Him and the promises in Zephaniah 3:17. He's with me even when I feel alone. He delights in me even when I seem to disappoint everyone else. He is mighty to save even though I feel helpless. He sings over me even when there's no song in my heart. He sees me as beautiful even when I don't like the person I see of myself.
Despite all of the rampant emotions, I'm thankful. His strength is perfected in my weakness, so I boast in my frailties because it causes me to turn to the only One who can save me from the battle my own heart fights inside. All I know to do is turn my eyes to the Lord, lift my hands up in surrender, and call upon His name. He rescues me from the pit my own sorrow wants to drown me in. He lifts my head though it hangs in shame and he tenderly dries my tears as He sings His song over me.
Is the reflection in the mirror haunting you? Are your insecurities overtaking you? Are your fears paralyzing you? Are your wounds still sore and bleeding? Are you battling the raging emotions that cause you more hurt and heartache?
Your heart may be hurting. You may find yourself buried under the weight of emotions having their way in your life. Seek (Him). Feel (the emotions). Heal (completely).
I've said it before and I should heed my own advice - You have to feel to heal. Allowing these emotions to run their course is the only way I am assured not to bottle them up and store them away at the risk of another emotional eruption. In this moment I find my rest in Him and out of that rest in God alone, my Rock and my Redeemer, I have hope.
"I Turn To You" by Selah
For the faith to move ahead
And to let go of the past
And to see me as You do
I turn to You
And here in Your holy presence
It's all that I can do...
I turn to You, Jesus.
I turn to You, Lord
What else can I do, Jesus
I turn to You.
What if I were to see myself as He sees me? Not as the flawed reflection the mirror taunts me with, but as the apple of His eye, hidden in the shadow of His wings (Psalm 17:8). Not as the awkward and often quirky person marred by insecurities, but as His royal daughter, one whose beauty He is enthralled with (Psalm 45:11).
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
Mirror, mirror...I don't need you to tell me anything at all.
The reflection I now see is His. I am being changed into His likeness. Shaped by my feelings and circumstances to become more like Him.