Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
It's one of those moments when a song I've heard a hundred times, one that is almost "too familiar," strikes a chord deep within my soul. I cannot get the lyrics out of my head, even more, I do not want to stop the grip they hold on my heart. This was the moment when those words caused me to stop and call to question every motive, every prayer, every desire. This was the point where I was looking into the mirror with hopeful gaze expecting to see faith and strength and surrender yet being faced with the reflection of fear, doubt and uncertainty.
I pray for God's will. I seek it. I say I want it. But the reality is my flesh desires only the part of His will that fits within the confines of my box. Big enough for the faith I have, nothing more. Certainly I desire to grow in the Lord but somehow I convince myself that I have "enough faith" to deal within the limits I've set. Whatever is comfortable for me, that's what I'll take, I tell the Lord. Don't stretch me beyond these boundaries that I have set, God, that would be way too much. I know You know what I can handle but I know what I'm more comfortable with, so let's just stick with that, ok?!
AS IF I can tell God what to do!! As if I am so foolish that I can limit HIM - a limitless, infinite God.
How can I say I pray for God's will but then give Him boundaries and guidelines?? Foolish doesn't even describe it.
What if... WHAT IF I would pray and then actually ALLOW Him to lead me? To trust Him beyond what I am comfortable with, to allow Him to go beyond the borders of my finite mind and my faithless heart? WHAT IF???
What if I gave Him the uninhibited freedom to take me deeper, far beyond the point I would go on my own, past the fear and doubt, into the realm of uncertainty and unknown yet in the midst of perfect peace in the presence of my Savior?
I recognize so many flawed patterns of thought but one jumping out at me deserves to be challenged. "I know what I'm comfortable with." I know what I've lived through, survived, endured and grown stronger from as a result. I know what I can handle. I am "content" with that. I tell the Lord He can test me to that point, He can stretch me to those limits, the ones I've already reached before, but nothing more. It's what my human mind can easily comprehend and contain. It's what my own self is capable of, not allowing any room for God to work. If I'm honest, I'm not allowing any room for Him at all.
The great paradox is that I want Him, I love Him, I desire His presence. Yet I limit Him and His role in my life. In essence, my own human fear and doubt squelch the very Godness of who He is.
Oh God, limitless, infinite God.
Forgive me for my finite mind that seeks to put You in a box.
Forgive me for the confines of my fearful faith that refuses to fully surrender.
Help me trust, Lord truly trust, with all my heart, mind, soul and strength!
Lead me to the place beyond my fear and doubt, past the limits I've established and to the point where I give you my full uninhibited trust.
Lord, thank you for Your relentless pursuit of my doubting heart.
Take me deeper than I could ever take my restricted faith.
Remove the restraints I've placed on my life, especially on You.
May my faith grow stronger, deeper, fuller as I learn to be in Your presence, wherever you lead.