It was my birthday yesterday. What? You missed it?? :)
It was well known and well celebrated in our family and it was a reminder of the abundant blessings Almighty God has bestowed upon my life. It was also a day that brought true reflection.
As we were driving down the road I pointed out the mounds of snow still blanketing the ground. "Mom, did God make it snow just for your birthday?" He already knows me so well.
"I don't know if it was just for me, but I do love the snow and I'm pretty sure God knows that. He knew that when He created me. Did you know on the day I was born there was a huge snow storm?"
"Yeah, maybe that's why you love the snow, because God made you be born in the snow. Did God know the day you were born?"
"Oh absolutely - not only did He know the day, He PLANNED it! When I was in Nana's tummy, he was planning ALL of my days...just like He planned every single one of your days for you. He knew the day you'd be born and the day you'd be placed in my arms..."
"Mom, did God know I would be given to you - even when I was in Sara's belly?" His voice was curious but somewhat concerned.
"He most certainly did. He was planning that too. You know why? Because I was praying - I was PRAYING to be a mommy and I was praying for a baby..."
"And God gave me to you," I wasn't upset that he interrupted. I'm thankful he knows this well enough too.
"Yes. God knew exactly. See, I didn't have you in my belly and I didn't know when I would be a mommy, but I was trusting God to answer my prayer. Even when I didn't know, He knew."
"Just like He knew you'd be born in the snow!"
"That's right, Eli, just like this day that is my birthday."
"Mom, it's okay if it's your birthday everyday."
I couldn't contain my laughter. "I don't think everyone else would like that very much. Plus, I'm glad God chose this day for me. Just like I'm glad He chose your birthday. Even though I wasn't there the day you were born, God was there and he was preparing me to be your mommy."
"I'm glad He picked you!"
Me too, buddy, me too.
I couldn't have planned this. I couldn't have predicted it. I couldn't have prepared for it. Even as I sat holding him in my lap in a tender, rare moment, I suddenly became aware that even on the day of my birth, God was planning the birth of a tiny baby that would become my son. How could I possibly question Him? Even when it was painful. Even when I cried. Even when I grieved. How could I doubt His plan for my life? Even when I couldn't see what He was planning and how He would work it out for my good.
Knowing my tumultuous path that ultimately led to motherhood helps put this all into perspective. Knowing I could not control the outcome to fulfill my longing to be a mother is a beautiful reminder of the inability I have to plan and prepare everything that concerns me. It helps me, type A, driven and sometimes domineering me, to remember even when I cannot plan, even when I cannot see, even when I don't understand, He knows. He saw all the days of my life while He was still forming me.
I admit it doesn't necessarily take away my longing to know, plan, predict and yes, control, my own outcomes. But it does help me be mindful of a Sovereign God who holds my today, and my tomorrow, in His hands.
You might think I'm crazy for celebrating my birthday the way I do. I'm a grown woman, after all. (Well, at least by the age I reflect but certainly not always by the young-hearted spirit I tend to live by.) But I like to think it's a day God celebrates too. It's the day He chose for me. It's the day He planned for me. It's the day others had prayed for. It's the day He answered. And no, this isn't just about ME. It's about you and the day He planned for each one of us. It's about my son, it's about you, it's about all of us - no matter how planned or unplanned our conceptions may have been.
He planned you and He has a plan for you. Each and every day of your life.
A dear friend send this to me for my birthday and I just had to share:
To my Special Daughter
I knew you before you were even born
and there has never been a moment
when I haven't loved you.
I formed you in your mother's womb
and you are precious in My sight.
I created your hands, your heart, your smile ~
and I delight in your beauty.
I have given you gifts, talents, and abilities;
your works are important to Me.
You are created in My image
and there is no one else quite like you...
YOU ARE SPECIAL!
You are the apple of My eye!
With heavenly hugs,
Your Father in Heaven