Saturday, August 8, 2015

Dying Dreams

I know what it's like to have to let go of my plans, to watch hope fade. To experience the grief of the death of a dream.

I know what it's like to experience abandonment and loneliness. The death of the dream of what marriage should be came before the death do us part.

I had to grieve the idea of becoming a mother - at least the way God intended it. Just not how He had intended for me - at least not for that season of life. For 3 years I longed, ached, yearned to be a mother. Disappointment after disappointment coupled with lonely heartache was like experiencing the death of my dreams on repeat.

The journey to Elijah's adoption was a miracle in the making and yet also another process of dreams dying and faith being tested. There were multiple babies and scenarios all presented as possibilities and each one, while it wasn't God's plan, was another process of roller coaster emotions hoping, praying, being told "no" and waiting for God's greater yes.

I've walked through the literal fire and watched a house destroyed, taking with it pain of the past and promise of what I had hoped would be a home.

I've felt the joy and thrill of realizing I was pregnant - finally PREGNANT - only to have the sudden catastrophe of those hopes and dreams come crashing down when I learned my baby no longer had a heartbeat.

It is with full assurance of faith I can look back at each and every situation and see God's hand at WORK. Was there pain? Sure. Was it part of the process? Absolutely. Did I learn anything? I pray to God I have. Would I have it any other way? Honestly, no.

I know too many people walking through their own fires, their own grief, their own loss of dreams to not share hope with you. I can't tell you that in the midst of your trial you'll see and understand how it will all work out. But I can tell you that God is still with you even in the valley of the shadow of death. Dreams die. Our plans fail. We don't always see things happen the way we had hoped - and yet we can still have HOPE! Hope is the One who holds it all together - who holds US together - even when it all seems to be falling a part.

He promised to never leave or forsake us and I can also say with full assurance, no matter how many dreams I had to live through the death of, He has been with me through it all. Redeemed, restored, delivered. That is my story. That is the outcome of MY dreams having to die in order for God to move and work mightily so HIS plan could be fulfilled. Faith has been tested. Dreams had to die. But God's presence in my life has been worth every moment of pain and confusion, grief and mourning, to lead me to where He has me.

I'm praying for you as you grieve the death of your dreams. I sympathize with you because I know the hopelessness you feel in the middle of it all. I also encourage you to hold tightly to the One who refuses to ever let you go. I implore you to trust Him as these plans change and hopes fade. It is all part of His plan to orchestrate the abundant and redeemed life He has in store for you.

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