Monday, March 14, 2016

An Hour Lost

That blasted time change. It got us all. This morning was brutal. Last night was a struggle. The baby was ready for bed and asleep by 8 pm because her nap schedule was all messed up. Poor E-man couldn't get his mind to shut down. Then the rain came.

"Mom?! I hear a storm," he called from the other room.

I went in and assured him it was just a spring rain and the downpour would be calming to listen to. 

"No thunder, right?"

"Of course not." I was confident. 

Not five minutes later two bright flashes of lightening lit up the sky through the blinds and the longest crack of thunder followed closely behind. My dear husband cracked his own laughter. 3-2-1... 

"Mooooom! You said no thunder!" 

I laid down beside my boy and began to tickle his back as he likes. I started to share the stories my own mother had used to comfort me; angels moving furniture and playing games of flashlight to explain away the storm. I was tired from a long day and an hour lost but I savored the moments I had to comfort him. He'll be 8 soon. He proved so thoughtful and responsible all weekend. I enjoyed the moments of simplicity watching him make it his job to entertain his sister and the sincere adoration she gave to her big brother in response. "There's that smile I've been waiting for," he would say to her. 

These are the moments I cherish. These are the times where I don't want to waste a single second, let alone lose an hour. This has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the brevity of life. 

At the same time my simple blessed world was overflowing with joy, I know families mourning the loss of loved ones, hearts broken over dying dreams, life lost before a heartbeat could ever be heard, lives attempting to be rebuilt, questions of how bills will be paid with uncertain futures...and the list goes on. Surely moments that losing an hour over would seem almost welcome, yet somehow even in the midst of these, time was seemingly standing still.

I am yet again reminded that our time here is but a vapor. A passing moment to eternal God. My simple structured mind can't even grasp the idea of forever. So instead I will do my best to live in the temporal fleeting moments. Relishing the joy. Grieving the loss. Living through the pain. Savoring each moment.

You give and take away, You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name


The familiar song is playing as I type. It takes me back every time. I stood in church the Sunday after being told a young pregnant birthmother had not chosen me. I would not be the mother to the son she was carrying. How could I forget that moment? I grieved. I can honestly say, now having gone through both experiences, it was like grieving the loss of my own baby I was carrying. And there I stood that Sunday, just over 8 years ago, leading my church in worship and believing with all my heart that truly I would still bless His name. I had to claim it. I had to hold on to that belief. Here I sit 8 years later telling you that it is in fact true. It is not always immediate. It is sometimes in the defining moments and sometimes in the hours lost but He is worthy to be praised. In the storms. In the grief. In the pain. In the joy. Making the most of each day.

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