Pacifier Wars

It's been a long-time coming. I knew we needed to kick the habit awhile ago but I wasn't strong enough. Yes, I admit, this was on me. The reality was I knew I had to be committed to the task and I simply wasn't. I knew it would be hard and it was one of those parenting battles I wasn't ready to face.

I first gave Violet the pacifier for two reasons. The main reason was she started sucking her thumb and I knew that would be an even worse habit to break. The second reason was purely selfish because she refused to take a bottle and I thought it might help her take one. That never came to fruition but staring down 2 and a half years old I knew it was time to be rid of the attachment.

What triggered my own determination was the day we forgot the beloved "pappy" in the car and faced a literal meltdown. Through tears and screams and wailing, we knew there was a problem. That started my adventure toward turning to social media to seek advice. I knew it was a matter of what worked for one wouldn't necessarily work for us but I welcomed the suggestions and employed the sympathy from those who had gone before.

It was a month-long venture. No cold turkey for us. At least not in this instance. We can reason with Violet but it had also become a dependency and habit and it was a comfort that I knew would take time to break.

And then it happened. I'll call it a gift from God, although I didn't think it at the time. She lost her very last pappy. To keep my own self strong, I had thrown away all the other ones. When she found a long-lost pappy, I secretly snipped the tip which she on her own determined to throw away. But here we were staring down bedtime, which had become the only time it was allowed, and there was no pacifier in sight.

She was tired. Exhausted. But her inconsolable sobs were the grief her little heart was feeling knowing her beloved pappy was lost ... forever.

I sat there with her, rubbing her hair, singing songs in her ear and praying for her comfort. It's heartbreaking to watch your child hurt and even though this was such a "little" thing, I knew it was monumental to and for her.

I need to tell you something. I'm fully prepared for Violet to one day read this and later have to tell her therapist. I had the pacifier in my pocket the entire time. The truth was Michael had torn the room a part looking for it but after an hour of it being lost and through her tears and grief, I had already determined that this needed to be the end. She still thought it was lost and we needed to let her believe that. Now before you start scolding me about "lying" to my child, let me just stop you right there.

I could have so easily reached into my pocket and given her the pacifier and it would have been an immediate fix to her wailing ... but it wouldn't have helped the long-term goal of eliminating this addiction. As a parent, it was one of the hardest things to sit there and watch her cry while I had what she wanted within reach. To keep that from her and knowingly have what she wanted was a true crisis of my will. I had to determine that this was ultimately for her good. I needed to stay strong - as I stated - I knew this was more about my will and determination and helping her learn how to cope.

I have to imagine this is how God feels when we hurt. When we lie there crying, broken hearted and grieving, begging for something we can't (or shouldn't) have, He kneels over us wiping our tears, holding us as we sob, and sings heavenly melodies over our brokenness. I imagine that whatever we want would be so easy for Him to just reach down and give - but it might not be what is best for us. It may not be what we need long-term and it may not fit into His plan. Despite the pain He sees us in, despite His longing to lovingly soothe our aching, we find strength in His refusal to give in to what He knows is only temporary or not meant for our long-term good.

It was a battle of wills and a warding off of the beloved pacifier in this instance but it was also such a beautiful reminder of how He loves us. How He holds us in our grief and prevents us from sometimes having what we want all for the sake of lovingly being our comforter even though He could freely give us what may pacify us in the moment. Thank goodness His will is stronger than ours!


(This is where it started a month ago: http://carriehispraises.blogspot.com/2018/03/pacifier-wars.html