Blessed Be Your Name

It was a special church service yesterday. A day to honor the fathers in our lives. A choir full of men behind us as we lead worship. The resounding baritone voices carrying the melodies of How Great Thou Art and Blessed Be Your Name. 

I can't sing that song without the distinct memory I have of singing that more than 10 years ago. It was the Sunday after we were told a certain baby wouldn't be ours. We had interviewed with a birth mom and it went exceptionally well. She even shared the name she had picked out for him asking me to use my dad's name as his middle name. I was delighted she had put so much thought into this and felt certain she was going to choose our family to adopt the son she was carrying at the time of the interview. More than a week passed of silence until finally the news came: she chose another family.

I was devastated. I can show you the place in my bible where I wrote that baby boy's name in the margin and specifically prayed for him to be mine. Now I was faced with the reality that he would not be and a few days later I would stand in church and lead the chorus, "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name." 

More than 10 years ago, I sang those words not knowing how He would give, only feeling the pain of what had been taken away. Yesterday I sang those words knowing the full story of the babies He asked me to pray over, even the ones I wouldn't call my own or hold, and the ones He ultimately gave me to be my children.

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

Those aren't just lyrics - they're the testimony of how God put together my family. 

How about you? Do you sing that line through brokenness not knowing how things will be worked out? Are you on the other side giving Him praise for what He's sovereignty orchestrated? Are you in the waiting not knowing what the answer will be? 

It's one thing to bless and praise His name when He gives and blesses us. It's quite another to raise your hands in praise when something (or someone) has been taken away. It doesn't always come with answers or clarity. Our broken hearts often can't see past the depths of our pain to even grasp His greater purpose for the loss. Even when we can't understand, we can trust His omniscient sovereignty to work it all out for our good. In the waiting, in the grieving and heartache, we can rely on His strength to sustain us.

He's asked me to trust Him when I couldn't understand at all what He was doing. I can't tell you how many times I've had to collapse in His arms not having the strength on my own to even stand. In the seasons of plenty, in the seasons of wandering, in the abundance, in the drought - even when my heart can't feel it, then, even then I want to choose to bless His name.