Mirror Check

See that picture? That’s what I found on my nightstand beside my bed at the end of a long day. I stopped and smiled. The cut out pieces of paper revealing the heartfelt role I play to my boy hit home. I let out a huge sigh. I love him so deeply and yet life can be so challenging with him. 

The morning had been awful. 

“Why are you choosing to disobey? Why is everything an argument?”

I was nearly yelling. No doubt I had tipped the scale of banshee mom now going berserk over the lack of obedience and respect that had been unfolding. 

Mornings are stressful but they’re even more difficult when you have a child who can’t naturally organize themselves or process multiple steps at a time. Things that are second-nature to you and me are not so easy for him. Simple things like getting dressed, brushing teeth, combing hair, and getting school supplies ready aren’t easily done without constant redirection and reminding. Even then, the repeated instructions are often met with arguments, defiance, or disregard. It borders on the line of knowing when the mind is simply over-active and not able to focus versus blatant disregard for what’s been told. 

Today was the day when it felt like blatant disregard after so many previous instructions had been ignored or argued. So I did what lots of moms have done - I lost it. 

After God had used my son to teach me such a deep and personal lesson the other day, I was now evaluating my reaction and behavior, ashamed at my own lack of self control. 

I’m convinced parenting is the role God gives us to bring us to the end of ourselves and truly teach us exactly who we are, what we lack, and how much we need Him. The irony is how deeply so many of us desire and long for this role, especially women, especially those of us who have gone through difficulty in our journeys to motherhood. Had the journey to becoming a mother been easy, I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror and remind myself that I did in fact pray for this. And on these particularly challenging mornings when I can’t seem to get hold of myself I am all the more reminded that He hand picked ME. Only in Your wisdom, Lord.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

My job, my role, that title he so diligently cut out for me gives me pause to reflect on who I am reflecting. Is it the image of Christ Himself? Though my son may not carry any of my DNA, you can make certain he is being influenced, shaped, taught, and molded by our lifestyles, parenting, household, and behavior. If he’s going to reflect me then I have to make sure I’m reflecting Jesus. 

I can’t deny my own behavior has often mirrored his in defiance, disregard, and disobedience to the repeated and insistent instructions from the Lord. No doubt I’ve been just as distracted and self-reliant. If I’m being honest, my son was yet again giving me the opportunity to see the mirroring effect of how God must see me when I’m acting so childish. It’s a harsh reality.

I’m praying for a better morning today but more importantly I’m praying for a better attitude and a lot more of God’s grace to handle my reactions and responses.