Showing posts from November, 2013

In All Things

Of course we are all mindful to pause on this day and give thanks; admid the preparations of food and fixin's, in the midst of scouring Black Friday ads and planning out shopping strategies, among the visitors and gatherings and of course in the middle of holiday cheer. Yes, we're stopping to give thanks. 

I have more to be thankful for than pen could ever write. More to say thanks for than words could ever express. Yet I'm also aware of those around me who may not be able to say the same. 
Today someone I know is recovering from surgery after a long, painful struggle. Someone else is fighting cancer. One of my own loved ones will not go to dialysis today, Thanksgiving, and will have to muster up every ounce of strength to make it until Saturday's treatment. One family I know had the bottom fall out with a sudden job loss on Monday. Yet another dear one will muster up the strength and dignity to be at the table with an ex and their new spouse, all for the sake of the kid…

So Long Insecurity

I'm about to make a bold statement. Wait for it...

Everyone struggles with insecurity. Everyone. Period. You cannot convince me otherwise.

You see the truth about insecurity is it's mostly wrapped up in lies. Hold tight, you know I'll explain.

I don't care who you are, what you've done, how much you've achieved, whatever your accomplishments. No matter how good you look, feel, speak, do, whatever, I'm convinced every single one of us is haunted by some level of insecurity.

It's more than its definition of a lack of confidence. No, this is something that truly hits at the core of every person. It's as unique to an individual as their fingerprint...because it is the very thing that can strip away every ounce of confidence, every belief in one's self or dream, and hit at the heart of who each of us believe we are or think we should be.

In some ways the things we fear we aren't, or maybe worse the things we fear we are, tend to be the driving fo…

Blood Type Unknown

I had a bad feeling about this. 
In some ways I admit I had already psyched myself out. But I don't believe it was all my fault. 
It shouldn't have been so difficult. People do it all the time and I was watching one after another go in and come back out an hour later, upright, walking, talking and perfectly normal. 
Needless to say my pulse was elevated. They told me so. "You have to calm down," they said. I couldn't hide my nerves so it was unlikely they would soon be calmed. 
I was checked on both sides for the best location. Only one viable option I was told so they set me up and began the process. 
My fingers were tapping. I decided to stare out the window. It was a cold rain. Grey and bleak on the outside. I realized my toes were cold as I stared down at my feet propped up. 
It was time. With blood pressure cuff on and stress ball in hand I was told to squeeze three times and not let go on the third. I obeyed every instruction. They encouraged me to be distracted …

I Don't Understand

The thing is, sometimes I just don't understand.

Right now it truly has NOTHING to do with me or my story.

It's not impacting me or my family.

But for someone else close to me I'm helplessly standing by and wondering what in the world is going on.

It's completely out of their hands. It's completely unfair. There's nothing that can be done. Except take a deep breath, say a prayer, and move forward.

But how?! The future is so uncertain right now.

The news can be devastating - it was to me and I'm not even directly impacted by it.

It's in these moments when our faith is put to the test. Will we trust God when it's most difficult to do so? Will we trust God when there's nothing humanly possible for us to do? Will we trust God and have faith in a plan we can't see?

Sometimes it doesn't make sense.

The trials become the chance to put our faith into action. Even more, the chance to sit back and allow God to move.

What I know is that He's g…

I'm Thankful

I was scrolling through social media the other day and saw picture after picture of trimmed trees and decked out halls. The stockings were hung and mantles were dawning holiday decor. It was the middle of November and well before Thanksgiving.
My happy scarecrow is still sitting beside my white decorative pumpkin. Autumn colored leaves are draped across the mantle with a cornucopia on each end. The house is filled with the aroma of Pumpkin Cupcake. 
Don't get me wrong.  I'm not boycotting or rejecting it. Truth be told, Pandora's Holiday station is playing even as I type this. I'm actually anxiously awaiting putting up the tree and I've picked out a very special spot for it in the corner of my brand new living room. But there has been a great debate ensuing as Christmas creeps closer and closer into Autumn. 
Regardless of your position, whether your house is already decorated for Christmas or if you are holding firm until after the turkey leftovers have spoiled, t…

I'm Learning

Sometimes I stress myself out. 
I'm a perfectionist in my work and projects. I want things to be the absolute best. I want whatever represents ME to be superb. And I fail. Mostly, I fail myself.
Why am I so hard on myself? Why am I afraid of failure? 
Please understand. The accolades are certainly appreciated, but I don't require them to propel me. I'm motivated on my own and that motivation is what drives me to do my best - not for anyone - but for myself.
And sometimes I am my own worst enemy. The stress of my own self can be simply overwhelming. 
That's when I realize I'm hard on myself and it's also usually when I become aware of all the things I could have done better...more...differently...if only...
It is in those moments when I am defeated by my own self. I'm left in a perpetual cycle of striving, seeking, doing, trying, attempting, believing, analyzing, over-analyzing...
If only I could get out of my own way. 
I am my own worst critic. Please. Don't tr…

Lessons from a Little One

In the past 2 days my little five-year-old boy has taught me some very important lessons. Yesterday was quite an eventful and chaotic day as I tried my superhuman juggling act, balancing work responsibilities, trying to be two places at the same time, along with being mom and wife and fulfilling all the expectations I felt were resting on my shoulders. My precocious five-year-old is always full of energy but I am so proud to report that he could not have been better behaved. I suppose both he and the Lord knew that I needed at least one thing to go easily. But it wasn't just that which made my heart smile.
In the middle of a frantic day when everything had to be on a schedule, I completely missed the turn for where I was supposed to vote. I went about 4 miles out-of-the-way and was completely lost and I started to get frustrated. I didn't have time to get lost and I certainly didn't have time to waste. We were on a tight schedule. I decided to pull over and try to Google di…

5 Days of Thankfulness

November came without warning. In the middle of unpacking and trying to organize, balancing schedules, jobs, school and a host of other demands, I somehow lost track of the day of the week - let alone what the date was. 
It wasn't until I started seeing numbered posts of Thanksgiving when I realized everyone else was already on Day 3 and I hadn't even started. 
I'm going to be honest. I'm burning the candle at both ends - and if it had 5 points to it, I'd be burning it at all of those too! Many of those points make up my reasons for being thankful. I say all that to add the disclaimer that I might not make it to 30. Wait, let me rephrase. I most assuredly can find 30 (or more) reasons to give Thanksgiving...but I can't quite commit to daily keeping track throughout the month.
However, I of all people have so much to be grateful for and I want to share.
1. My Savior. To be more than cliche, I'd be lost without Him. My life was in utter ruins and mounds of chaos …