Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day Take 2

Let's talk about Mother's Day, shall we?

WARNING: This is not my sentimental, emotional ode to mothers. This is my hope to start over, my quest to somehow feel normal despite feeling like I've already blown it before 8:00 a.m. on the day that I"m supposed to be recognized and celebrated as some woman of honor, you know, the one who manages to pull it all off with grace and poise, she keeps her cool in the midst of utter chaos. Oh no, that is NOT this post!

Mother's Day began for me at 1:30 am. Before you think I was partying like a rock star, allow me to paint a different picture. 

There was no sonic-like radar hearing for this slumbering and flat-out exhausted mother. My husband had to shake me from my coma-like sleep to let me know E was crying for me. 

After administering medicine, breathing treatments and consoling a very sick little boy, he ended up curled up beside me finally back to sleep. It wouldn't be a restful night for anyone but him, but at least he was feeling better. 

Another wake up call at 3 am, this time it was the scared dog barking from the garage at some commotion outside. Thankfully I wasn't really asleep after the restless night we'd already had. Having a child zombie in bed is like a bulldozer ramming into your side. 

By 7:30 am I had cleaned up a bucket of dog pee, as if he hadn't already been outside twice, cleaned up vomit all over the new couch, administered more medicine, played referee between an annoyed little boy and a rambunctious dog and was now being presented with Mother's Day gifts boasting my awesomeness. There was no resemblance of anything awesome about me, my dawn of Mother's Day or how I was feeling. The only thing I was feeling was like a hot mess. Yes, here came the tears. 

Amidst a week of mass chaos, I found myself running back and forth to work, hosting birthday parties at school, executing events, planning parties for family and friends and trying to manage the hectic week and it's unusually high demands. I was feeling like a total and utter failure. Mother's Day was now turning into a mommy meltdown. It's "my" day after all, I can cry if I want to! 

Oh to be a mother. Oh to be a woman juggling it all. Oh to be human, right?! Because after all, we are all on this same journey trying to figure out how to manage everything and be all things to all people. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just need to figure out how to be the best version of myself that I can be and stop worrying about everything and everyone else. I had no idea what that looked like ... until twice the Lord gave me the same passage this morning to help me understand. 

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-- 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:1-5

Two times that passage was read this morning. At one point I had to get up and leave to wipe the tears away and extinguish the feelings of inferiority that were haunting me. How can I not praise the Lord after all His many, MANY blessings?!? How can I forget the redemption He's given me? How can I not recall the life He's given the depravity of my soul? How can I not acknowledge the seemingly bottomless pit He graciously dug me out of?! If He's willing to give me a chance, certainly I need to rise up and claim it!

As if that weren't enough, He gives me more promises to claim:

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; Vs. 11

His limitless, infinite love that He lavishes on me. Praise the Lord, oh my soul!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Vs. 12

Even me? Even the transgressions I've committed against You and others? Praise the Lord, oh my soul, even me!

If I were to be granted a do over, I'm still not sure I'd get it right. After all a second chance means you've somehow missed the mark the first time. Hopefully you've somehow learned a thing or two but it still doesn't mean you get it right. It just means you get another chance to try again. Mother's Day take two would still be full of mishaps and flawed people doing their best to try and try again. Because today is simply a reminder that no day is perfect. No mom is perfect. No one is perfect. There will always be someone or something that pops up, interrupts, or disrupts even the best laid plans. No one has it all together which is why today, Mother's Day, is exactly the way I think it should be celebrated. Full of life, full of love, full of redemption, and most importantly for my soul, full of the reminders that somewhere in the midst of this chaotic mess, He crowns me with love and compassion. 

Praise the Lord, oh my weary, wounded, tired, battered, and redeemed soul!


No comments:

Post a Comment