One Of Those Weeks
This week has just been one of those weeks.
You know the kind. Too much going on, not enough time to do it all, trying to conquer the world, telling everyone yes when you know you can't add one more thing. It's been that kind of week.
The demands of work are hectic. The schedules have been at a pace that feels like fast foward. Tensions have been at an all-time high. Emotions are on overload. It's been that kind of week.
It's the eve before my amazing little boy's birthday. It's just a few days before Mother's Day. I'm doing my best to juggle birthdays and celebrations, peppered in with a demanding work schedule. My days have been scheduled down to the minute and truthfully I'm wondering when I'll actually get to sleep at this point. Yes, it's been that kind of a week.
I've loaded myself down with to do lists coupled with mounds of guilt for all the things I "could have, should have, but didn't do."
I wonder why I do this to myself. I stopped today to tell myself - outloud - "You are NOT Superwoman! You cannot be all things to all people!" Don't worry - no one else was around to hear my own self pep talk. Doesn't seem like I listened well either!
Why do I feel so stressed, so overwhelmed, so exhausted, so overworked, so tense and anxious?! Why do I battle my insecurities by overloading myself with so many things that I'm only setting myself up for failure?!
He says to come as I am but somehow I'm still not comfortable with that yet. Somehow I can't seem to convince myself that it's enough - that I'm enough.
I've managed to steal a few moments to myself in the midst of the chaos. I find myself typing this out from the calm of a peaceful front porch. These moments are a flat-out struggle for me. The moment I sit still is the moment every reminder of what I could be doing seems to flood my mind. It's like the Enemy's best laid attack on an overworked mind - to convince me that I should be doing something. ANYTHING. (Isn't there a story in the Bible about this?! Make no mistake, I would have been absolutely LIVID at Mary and I would have made sure everyone, including Jesus, knew!)
There will always be something else to do. Something more to get accomplished. Another checklist. More requests. Additional demands. With absolute assurance I can count on the fact that I will never get it all done. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. It means I'm human. And until I learn that sometimes the best thing is not the "most important thing" on the to-do list, then I'll always be scrambling and coming up short.
Hide in the shadow of His wing.
Find rest, my soul, in God alone.
Peace that He gives, not like the world gives.
Take refuge in Him.
Be still and know that He is God.
Forget what I'm not doing and remember I am HIS.
Forget whatever kind of week it's BEEN and just BE HIS.