Monday, May 5, 2014

Withdrawals

I love coffee. I love a dark roast mixed with just the right amount of flavored creamer. I love the seasons flavors - White Chocolate Raspberry in winter, Peppermint Mocha around Christmas and Pumpkin Spice at the first signs of fall. Spring has brought a Mudslide Creamer that seems to be the perfect amount of chocolate and sweetness in my dark roast brew. I don't drink coffee black. I also don't drink coffee with milk or plain cream and sugar.

It all started when I used up the last drop of creamer. I knew I was in trouble but it was a full day of work and activity and it never even crossed my mind to stop at the store for more creamer. At least not until Friday rolled around.

The coffee is usually auto-set to brew around 6:15 a.m. so by the time I come downstairs I can pour a cup and sip on it while I get ready. I went through my normal morning routine sans coffee and made my usual fruit and veggie smoothie and thought I'd be just fine. This was a lie.

By Saturday, 2 days with NO COFFEE, I actually thought I might be weaning myself from the caffeine ritual. Certainly I didn't need it. By 9:30 a.m. I'd been up for several hours and busy working on house projects and it was clear I was becoming cranky. I didn't argue my husband's suggestion to stop at Starbuck's. Even he knew I needed it. I didn't need but a few sips of my Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte before feeling the immediate effects of caffeine flowing through my veins. I won't lie - my mood improved and before 10 a.m. I was ready for the rest of the day full of work and projects.

You'd think I would have learned. You'd think I would have stopped at the store. Yet another full day prevented me from getting more creamer which resulted in a Sunday morning gone awry. It didn't help that I was an emotional (maybe decaffeinated?) mess. Could my body really need caffeine this badly? I couldn't stop yawning. I was fighting sleep. Even my protein-packed healthy smoothie wasn't enough to give me the energy I needed. On top of that, I could physically feel the grouchiness creeping in and slowly consuming me. AT CHURCH!

I had tanked. Pure and utter withdrawals.

Get. Me. COFFEE!!!

My husband wasn't going to argue. Off he went to the Welcome Center to fetch me a cup of emotional-stability.

Worship suddenly took on a whole new meaning. Thank You, Jesus, my cup runneth over.

That's when it hit me. I was not only aware of the embarrassing addiction I wasn't previously conscious of, but now I was face-to-face with the conviction that my priorities are all wrong.

What if I craved more of the Lord the way my body was so dependent on the caffeine?

What if my entire mood, mindset and feelings were altered by more (or less) of the Word of God feeding my soul? Isn't this true?!

What if I simply couldn't face a day without Him?

What if I started every single morning as if the entire day depended on my need for Him? Doesn't it???

As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?

Psalm 42:1

If only I would realize the withdrawals my soul goes through when I have neglected my need for Him. Do I crave that daily sustenance from Him so much that I can't wait to meet with Him? When I neglect seeking Him for all that I need on a daily and continual basis, I allow the growing affects of depravity to creep in. The result on my own produces every symptom of withdrawal: anxiety, fear, worry, irritability, impatience, unkind words, explosive outbursts, moodiness, you name it...I just don't want to live with it! 

Life gets too busy. There's not enough time. It doesn't remain a priority. Sometimes I flat out forget. There's no auto-brew timer except the fact that before my feet hit the floor to begin the day I should realize that my soul is in need of only what my Heavenly Father can provide. The alternative is a withdrawal I don't want to face!

For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.
Psalm 107:9






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