Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Never Once

Never once, did we ever walk alone
Never once, did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God You are faithful

This song is a reminder to me today. Have you ever known the physical ache of your own heart breaking? Physically sick, writhing in pain. Mentally, emotionally incapable of processing how you feel. Beyond words. Truly, they don't even come. Prayer can escape me, though I know in this moment of heartache He is exactly where I need to turn.

I am reminded of two things: 1. God is Sovereign. He is not surprised by anything that happens in our lives because He knew all our days before one of them came to be. 2. God is Sovereign. Despite what people may do to affect our lives, inspite of what circumstances we encounter that impact us, the plans of our hearts are many, but His purpose prevails. Thy will, not mine, Father.

I cried myself to sleep. After more than an hour of tears, my body simply gave up from sheer emotional, mental, spiritual and physical exhaustion. And so I gave way to slumber.

I woke with the heaviness still looming. My puffy, burning eyes were a reminder of the reality over which my broken heart was still feeling. Still in pieces and waiting for healing. There's a tenderness I can't seem to overcome and it's causing the tears to flow without ceasing.

All I can do is turn to scriptures. At one point even laying my open bible on my chest, praying for God's words to transfer from the pages and pour over me as a healing balm to my aching heart. Seeking to absorb His Word into the very marrow of my being.

All I know to do is cling to Him. "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer!." (Psalm 61:1) I call to Him as my heart grows faint and ask for Him to be my refuge and strong tower (Psalm 61:2-3).

I find rest in Him alone and know my soul won't be shaken. He is my rock and salvation. My honor depends on Him, not on me. I trust Him at all times (Psalm 62:5-8).

He hasn't left me. He hasn't forsaken me. (Hebrews 13:5) He hasn't ignored my cries or prayers. I still petition Him in earnest and make my requests known. (Philippians 4:6) My present sufferings cannot even compare to the glory that He has yet to reveal. (Romans 8:18) But even as I find myself at a loss for what to pray, I know God is near to my broken heart. (Psalm 34:18)

I don't yet know the outcome. I don't have resolution. I haven't experienced the fullness of healing or wholeness. Never once has He been anything other than faithful and sovereign. Never once has He left my side. Never once has He overlooked my tears. Never once has He forgotten my broken heart. Never once has He left a detail undone. Never once has He been anything other than God.

Never Once

No comments:

Post a Comment