I was frustrated. Angry, even. I was upset and downright grouchy. The fuse on my temper was lit and I could feel the explosion inching its way ever closer with each new frustration. The thing is, I'm an adult. And I know how to calm myself down, step away from the situation and regain my composure, manage emotions so they don't cause regrettable reactions. But any ounce of maturity had seemingly escaped. I was saying things I didn't mean. Losing my cool. Reacting without thinking. And all of it was compounding to add layer upon layer of growing frustration.
The only thing I did right was call it day. I had reached the point of no return and there was nothing more to be done than lay my head in my pillow and cry. The wise words of the late Dr. Jerry Falwell offered solace, "Go home in your pillow and cry. There is no shame or sin in that. But one day wake up and realize there is life to be lived, and go and live it to the fullest."
Yes sir. That's exactly what I had to do. Cry it out. Work it out. Feel every single emotion that had been welling up and compounding within me. It was evident these emotions were not going to allow me to just push past them. No, it was certain I would have to feel my way through this.
Insecurity. It's straight from the devil, I'm sure of it! It can be the devastation of anything good, causing every fear and doubt to make their way into my faith, destroying any resemblance of my identity in Christ.
Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12
Weakness. It's deceiving, to say the least. But it drains me of all strength and removes my desire to press on.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7
Failure. It brings feelings of defeat and ushers in the perfect environment for insecurity to have its way.
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15:57
Loneliness. It settles in to make its home with me and causes me to feel completely abandoned and alone.
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6
The emotions were there, real and present, and they were having their way with my mind and my heart. But there is nothing I face - or FEEL - that I cannot claim victory over through the Word of God and His promises to me.
And so I laid on my tear-soaked pillow ready to call it a day. I had wrestled with a host of emotions and I was ready to lay them to rest too. Tomorrow would be a new day. Tomorrow would bring new challenges, new feelings, and new opportunities.
"Tomorrow will be fresh with no mistakes." Anne of Green Gables
I'm so glad tomorrow is here. There is life to be lived today.