"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." Revelation 2:4
It was a sermon about a month ago that I still can't shake. It rocked me to my core. Conviction. Had I lost my passion for Christ? Where was the burning desire for my Lord? Was I truly seeking Him first and only?
Last week I wrote about an unfailing love. The kind of love that 1 Corinthians 13 admonishes us to have - the love that never fails. It seems humanly impossible because we're capable of failure in our fallen flesh. But in the perfection of Sovereign God, He proves His love never fails.
What I'm grappling with is the reality that in my fallen state, this perfect God would in fact love me. The unthinkable - to love the unlovable.
Who I am is Whose I am. Not because of what I've done, but because of what He's done. Not because of who I am, but because of Who He is.
And this perfect God wants to be in a relationship with me. ME, a sinner. A failure. He looks not at the external as the world sees, but He looks inward and loves me.
He sees the darkest corners of my heart - and He loves me.
He knows the deepest secrets I will never tell - and He loves me.
He understands my faults and failurues - and He loves me.
He knows my thoughts before I think them - and He loves me.
I think it would be fair to say we've all "fallen" - whether it's fallen into sin or fallen away from the intimacy with Christ we once enjoyed. But I am beyond humbled to know that I've never fallen out of His embrace. Jesus, lover of my soul. I am a girlie girl who loves every part of the romance. So often I've felt the pain of its heartbreak, rather than the joy of its embrace. So to think and know that God, my God has given me greatest romance I could ever know...it takes my breath away. Angela Thomas says it best:
“He comes in His great love to rescue the one that He adores. He takes her into His arms and quiets every fear. He gives her the grain that feeds her emptiness. He puts a hand over her mouth when she begins to claim she’s not worthy. And then He sings. I picture the dance and being held close and God whispering in my ear His songs of love. Wow. I am swooning. God picks me up, holds me, and sings gentle love songs over me. He looks into my soul and sees the question. Before I can even ask it, He tells me He thinks I am beautiful. He feeds my starving soul with the food of his love.”
To be satisfied with Him. To be overwhelmed by Him. To enjoy His presence, bask in His love. To be secure and protected under His wing. To be wooed and pursued and cherished by my Savior. I revel in God. Let me return to my first love. God, my God, lover of my soul.