Monday, June 3, 2013

Rest

I'm not a very good "sick" person. I have a hard time sitting still, so when illness has knocked me down, it literally becomes a battle to force myself to lay still and rest. I don't like to just sit around. I feel lazy. There seem to be a million "other" things I could be accomplishing.

I had planned to knock out wedding details this weekend but that just wasn't a reality. I pushed myself as hard as I could on Saturday, only to reap what I sewed Sunday. I was down for the count and the only thing I was going to accomplish for the day intended for rest was, well, rest. I took in a couple of good movies on Apple TV and knocked out a few levels of Candy Crush. I even managed to grade a few discussion boards. But repeatedly I just had to take breaks, close the computer or iPad and...rest.

Why is it so hard for me to just be still? I literally have to be reminded, "Stop your mind. Just rest." Oh...yeah...okay...that's a good idea. It takes a conscious effort for me to stop letting my mind run, stop thinking through lists, plans, details... It sometimes seems like it requires more effort to remember to stop and rest then if I just let my mind keep running.  Shew! I'm tired just thinking about it.

And I guess that's the point. We all need rest. We all need to recharge, refuel, reprogram. Being sick reminds me of all the things I can't do because my body just forces me to stop. That frustrates me, but it reminds me I'm human. It reminds me I'm dependent. It reminds me to rest.

Now, on the flip side, when I go on vacation - I go on vacation. The only reason for having a phone on vacation is for taking pictures. I don't care about email, texts, calls, or anything else. I want a quiet beach, a good book, and a long day in the sun. There are several count downs going on and one of which is the Caribbean beach that is calling my name. The sand in my toes, the sun on my face, the wind in my hair. Make no mistake, I am ready. Which reminds me...I'm actually not ready. Even last night I remember waking up and making a mental list of all the things I'd need to pack, clothes to wash and get ready, airline approved bottles to switch all my cosmetics into, oh my...there's a lot to do...

I also have to remind myself I'm not superwoman, superhuman or any version of "super" at all. As dedicated and driven as I am about things I'm passionate about, I'm just as big of a procrastinator about the things I don't care so much about. Just last week I was cramming to meet a deadline that I'd had all semester to do. Typical. So maybe this isn't about learning to rest, but learning to re-prioritize. I should probably make a list of all the things I need to rearrange in order of importance...

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