Real & Raw...A Prayer to Share

(DISCLAIMER: This is real. It's raw. It's from deep within my soul. And ordinarily something that leaves me so vulnerable wouldn't be something I share. But there are too many people who've crossed my path recently who are hurting, and well, this is for you, too. You may be like me - sometimes to a point where you're so broken, so hurt, so blocked, you don't even know what to pray - or how to pray. So this is for you, too.)

I’m trying to fight this feeling I cannot seem to overcome. It’s as if the enemy himself has a grip so tight I cannot escape, let alone breathe. I am held in the vice of my emotions – desire, emptiness, loneliness, brokenness, jealousy, guilt, disappointment, oppression, defiance, insecurity… I simply cannot get free. I want so badly to let go. I want to give up. I want to experience freedom. I want to know peace. On every angle, I can’t seem to make sense of reality. Once again I feel used and rejected. I’ve being taunted by the enemy and he’s seeking to destroy me. If he can’t take me down, he’ll stop at nothing short of devastating my spirit. What’s wrong with me? Why am I not enough? What’s wrong with God? Why is He not enough for me?

God, I need You. Only You. I want You to be enough. My all-in-all. My sufficiency. My source for whatever I need. My strength. I admit my failure. I admit my weakness. I admit my frailty. In my brokenness I come to You. I’m not seeking You in my need, I’m seeking You out of my want. I want You to be my everything. Nothing else. Nothing less. May You be everything to me.

There is no fear in love and perfect love – Your love – drives out fear (I John 4:18). May I allow Your perfect love to drive out all my fears. I am fearful of being alone, unwanted, unloved, unusable, undesirable. Fearful of rejection. Paralyzed by insecurity. Fighting so desperately for something that I can’t even tell what’s real.

I want my heart to only be devoted to You. You and You alone are my heart’s desire. You are my first and one true love. Help me get back to You. I repent to You. I confess my sin and failure to You. I confess every thought, every emotion and every false belief to You. I lay my life on Your altar and beg your forgiveness. Wash me clean. Help me return to You as my first and only love. Help me remember the things I first did with You as my God and my love (Revelation 2:4-5).

Be all I need. Let me give You my heart. Remind me of who You are. Remind me of who I am. Not who I try to be on my own, but who You sovereignly created me to be (Psalm 139). Let me have a heart after You. May my heart be purified to be Your temple, Your dwelling place. I lay myself, my dreams, desires, failures and flaws at Your altar. I seek to know and do only Your will. I know I will put this on the altar 1,000 times and pick it back up 999 times. Help me to resist. To rest. Be still (Psalm 46:19). Secure. In who I am in You. I must abide in You. Apart from You, I can do nothing (John 15:5).

May my soul find rest in You alone, and may my hope come from You (Psalm 62:5). I voice this prayer to You and ask You to hear. Protect my life from the very real and present threat of the enemy (Psalm 64:1). Lift me out of the pit and set my feet on the rock. Help me stand firm and give me a new song to praise You (Psalm 40:1-3). I am making You, Lord, my trust (Psalm 40:4). You are my hiding place. Protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance (Psalm 32:7). Be close to my broken heart and the spirit that is crushed within me (Psalm 34:18).

Help me forget what is behind and strain only toward what is ahead (Phillippians 3:12-14) – even if I don’t understand, see or know. Help me learn to be content in any and every situation – to do everything through You who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13). I cannot do it alone. Hold me and all things around me together (Colossians 1:17). Let me live that I may praise You and may Your word sustain me (Psalm 119:175). I claim Your hand to help me because I am choosing Your precepts (Psalm 119:173).