Today I had to admit weakness.
I was broken hearted, discouraged, and I know myself well enough to know I was at the point of shutting down. I've recognized my default setting of trying to do things on my own, which usually results in donning the mask that "everything's okay." But I was so rocked at my core that I felt certain I couldn't even put on the act today.
So, I went public with my admission of needing help. I debated this for a second - should I really post that I'm asking for people to pray? I'll start getting texts and private messages asking "what's wrong" and I wasn't in any position to explain. What if people thought I was self-seeking or just trying to get attention? No, I knew that my motive was pure. Today I needed prayer partners to surround me - whether they knew what the situation was or not. Today I needed confidantes to intercede on my behalf. Today I was seeking spiritual support and encouragement because I knew I was weak.
Immediately people responded. Oh the power of prayer! Just 2 hours later I sat overwhelmed at the out-pouring of love and support! My heart still hurts. My world is still shaken. But my spirit is encouraged because of the prayers of His people.
I just blogged about how Satan is so good at targeting your weakest spot. But I was so blinded by pain that I couldn't even recognize this as an enemy attack. As I admitted my weakness and need, those who felt and sensed the Spirit's leading were able to speak truth into my life and immediately point out this was Satan's attempt at hitting me at my core.
Shame on me for buying into his lies! Shame on him for waging war against the One who is Victorious!
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37
I've challenged myself before - do I live as a conqueror? Or do I live defeated? What if I hadn't asked for help? I'd be sitting in sorrow, maybe drowning in self-pity. Hurting and aching with no sign of hope. I'd be secretly hiding my heartache and forced to face people with nothing more than a fake smile and a false reality.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
I don't like to admit that I'm weak. But having done so today has taught me a huge lesson. I don't have to rely on my own strength. I know my strength and my hope is in the Lord. But even when I am broken to the point of not being able to reach out for Him, I also learned I can ask those around me to stand on my behalf.
I praise Him for moments of weakness. Moments of weakness result in exposed vulnerabilities. Exposed vulnerabilities lead to wounds being healed. Wounds being healed help strengthen areas of weakness. So that next time I face an enemy attack, I might just be able to stand on my own two feet. But even if I find myself again in a fallen state, I now know where to turn!
Thank you for your prayers!