Heart Speak

There's not much I can get past my 4 year old. He listens to and repeats everything. I'm pretty sure I can set a world record for how quickly I can spell S-T-U-P-I-D. Among others that are no longer said but spelled include D-U-M-B, J-E-R-K, I-D-I-O-T (that's a fun one to spell), and my favorite, C-R-A-P.

Does spelling it out remove the emotion I'm feeling? No chance.

I've turned any version of "Oh my gosh" to "Oh my goodness" or "Oh my word."

"What the heck" has most certainly been replaced by "What in the world." And any chance of a slip, I simply utter "HEAVENS!" It seems to fill a variety of roles in my effort to clean up my act.

I don't think I could be classified in the category of "potty mouth" but most assuredly I've come to realize what I do and don't want my young son to repeat.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. ~ Psalm 19:14

This verse is a true reminder that more than my slang-turned-spelling, I want the words of my mouth AND the meditations of my heart  to be acceptable and pleasing to God, not just tolerable for a 4-year-old's ears.

What does this mean? I can spell a slang word but it doesn't take away what my heart feels or what my head thinks that I simply refrain from blurting out.

Words of encouragement. Sentiments that edify. Thoughts to uplift. Those don't just come "out of the goodness of my heart." On my own, my heart is "deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) What I fill my heart with is what will flow from my lips. These things come only when I seek the Source of encouragement, edification from His Word, and am filled with His goodness.

I've peered into those places of my heart and it truly is sickening. Were there any haughty thoughts of my own "goodness" they are vanquished by the darkness I see in me. And so I cry out, "Create in me a pure heart, O God." (Psalm 51:10) A broken and humbled heart He won't deny (Psalm 51:17) so I offer the pieces and seek His healing.

Here's my heart. It's broken and tattered, deceitful and dark. There can and will be no good thing in me apart from Christ. I'm seeking to replace any form of corruption so that which fills my heart may be the words, actions and offerings of Christ in me... Only He is good. May Jesus be what my heart speaks.