I just ran a mile in the pitch black. The sounds of the night were keeping in time with my feet pounding the pavement. I could feel my heart racing to keep up with the pace.
I thought the hill would nearly kill me. I could hear myself wheezing (thanks to this case of asthma I've developed since the fire and pneumonia). "Keep going. Keep going. Don't stop." I literally cheered myself on. I'm glad I listened.
I was all alone with my thoughts as I took each stride. "God, what do I do? Speak to me. Let me hear Your voice. Open my ears to hear and my eyes to see. Help me."
It wasn't the answer I was looking for but I shouldn't have been surprised.
"Wait. Come again? I thought You said keep going."
His reply was simple. "I did."
Perplexed I thought I might remind Him, "But Lord, I'm not sure where I'm going. I..."
"Keep going," He interrupted.
I knew I needed to argue my case. Certainly we hadn't come all this way and gone through all this mess for me to get lost now.
"But God I know what we've gone through has helped get me to this point and I want to use it for Your glory...but I don't want to mess up again. I don't want to go the wrong way."
"Child, keep going."
Starting to get frustrated that He wasn't really listening I thought one more attempt might help.
"Lord, am I to waste the pain? Didn't you say you wanted to bring me through this and mold me so you could use me for your plan? I can't be used if I don't know the plan," I pleaded.
"I promised to never leave you or forsake you. Do you trust me?"
I could hardly believe He'd ask such a question. Surely He knew my answer.
"God you see my heart. You know I do."
"Then trust me...and keep going."
This is not how I expected our time together to go.
I hadn't stopped running; I had been so busy pleading my case before God I hadn't noticed I went another mile. My pace had slowed some and I was now aware of a cramp that had developed in my side. Somehow I hadn't realized that during the earlier conversation. I couldn't stop now. I had to keep going to finish my second lap.
I stopped my run, and my arguing, and became keenly aware of His presence surrounding me. I slowed down to enjoy the coolness of the night, letting my heartbeat get back to normal and catching my breath. Thunder was rolling in the distance. A flash of lightning tried to break through the mostly cloudy sky. And one very determined cricket was chirping his own symphony.
"Okay, Lord, I'll keep going. But Your presence must go with me...or how will they know?"
"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest."
I was ready to rest. I could barely breathe at this point. I was done with my run. Good thing the mile is a complete circle. All I have to do is keep making left turns and I find my way home. I know the journey ahead won't provide such clear directions, but rest assured I will keep going.